It’s hit me in a major way that I need some free time.  While next week will be a bit of a break with exams beginning, I still have so much to do to finish out the year.  As always the kids’ birthdays being June 5 and June 7 will add to the craziness.  And we’ll triple that with Geeky Boy’s graduation and family coming in to celebrate.  June 8th, everyone–my parents and their spouses and Mr. Geeky’s parents–will descend on us and be with us for 3 days.  I feel like I’m not ready and that I can’t get ready until I get through the school stuff.

My CS II students finish up their “real-world” projects this week, only I don’t think any of them will be completely finished.  We were all a bit too ambitious in what we took on.  What I’m encouraging them to do is reflect on what they accomplished, what they learned, and what they could have done differently to reach a better conclusion.  I’m planning to survey them on whether they’d do something like this again, or if they would like to do something different.  Live and learn.

My CS I students have finished their projects mostly, and they’ve turned out well.  That class will wrap up nicely.

In Middle School, I have the usual stragglers, students who’ve failed to turn in an assignment or two along the way.  This is my last week with them, so I have to track them down.

For all of the above, there will be the inevitable grading and commenting.  That will take a while.

Looking ahead to summer, I have an ambitious one planned, one that includes learning new things and making changes to my curriculum.  I’ve already been thinking about a schedule for that that allows me to get things done and have some down time.  I do have vacations planned, but the summer seems far too short to get everything done.  I have high hopes and high expectations.  But right now, I look forward to the weekend (already!).

As the end of the year approaches, I’m realizing a) how much I have left to do; and b) how much I want to accomplish this summer.  It feels a little overwhelming, so I need a plan to help me focus and feel like I’m making progress without getting stressed out.  On the way home, I came up with a plan.  Every day after school, I’m going to one home thing and one work thing.  Each night I’m going to decide what the things are, so I don’t come home and go, soooo what should I do and then three hours of blog reading goes by.  And here, to keep myself honest, I’m fleshing out what I have to do and posted in the sidebar is my list of things.  I love public accountability!!

The house has descended into a bit of chaos and with Geeky Boy graduating in just a few weeks, we need to get back on top of things.  I’ve asked the whole family to subscribe to the one thing concept as well, so I think that will work out.  Today, I tackled the kitchen.  The kids have slacked a little on keeping up with it, so I just dove in today and made that my one thing.

Work stuff is slightly more complicated.  For what I’m doing at home, I’m mostly focusing on planning for next year.  This year’s remaining work is going to get done during the school day.  I’m trying to be more explicit about my curriculum for both CS I and II, so I’m expanding my existing Google docs, and I’m going to build out some things in a course management system.  I’m trying to basically create a textbook for CS I, thus the Google docs.  I’m also revamping my MS curriculum.  I’m still thinking through what I want to do, but I have a lot of ideas, including adding more hands on, working with things stuff, and some blended learning stuff–which I’m *very* excited about.  Also I have to prep for my new Physical Computing class, which is going to require some learning on my part.

Yes, that’s a lot. But I do think it’s doable. I could see getting most of the CS I stuff done before the end of the school year since it’s basically tweaking what I already have. And since my MS classes only meet a couple of times a week for 10 weeks, there’s not that much material. The physical computing class involves my crazy gps cat tracking idea.  I’m too excited about that one for my own good.

All the criticism that’s been directed at Sheryl Sandberg and her new book, Lean In, is totally unwarranted.  Everyone in my blog audience, men and women, should read it.  I don’t know Sandberg personally, of course, and I’m sure there are criticisms to be made on her leadership style or some other aspect of her work life.  But it’s crazy that people have piled on, mostly without having read the book, myself included.

Sandberg acknowledges that the world, especially the work world, still isn’t overly friendly toward women.  Discrimination and bias still exist, and plenty of work needs to be done on these issues.  Her book actually gives some practical advice in this area for both men and women to be aware of unexamined bias and combat that in simple ways.  Her main focus is on what women can control, themselves.

Women can’t fix, and can’t be expected to fix (by themselves) all the problems related to gender in the world.  What they can do is try to work against them personally.  And yes, she admits it’s unfair that women have to think about their behavior, appearance, etc. more than men.  But we have to face facts.  Women, she says, often shoot themselves in the foot by conforming to expectations based on gender.  So, for example, the expectation exists that women shouldn’t express their opinion, so they don’t. Women underestimate their ability and are reluctant to take credit for their work (I am soooo guilty of this).  She suggests saying just, “Thank you.” when someone compliments your work or an achievement.  No hemming and hawing about how so-and-so helped you or how it was nothing.  Just, “Thank you.”

She also talks about work at home.  Here she acknowledges that she is luckier than most in that she can hire help, but she makes suggestions for those who can’t.  Let things go.  Don’t let society tell you it’s your job to keep the house perfect.  Pick a partner who will do 50/50.  If your partner isn’t doing 50/50 and can, talk to him (or her, but mostly she addresses heterosexual couples) about it.  Don’t feel guilty about leaving your kids in childcare, especially if you love your work as much as your family.  Find your limit.  Don’t work crazy hours and ignore your family.  Focus on quality not quantity.  Decide you’re going to be home for dinner and not work again until the kids are in bed.  She fully recognizes that some women don’t have this choice.  They have kids who need special attention, or, quite frankly, they don’t like their job and want to be at home with their kids.  And that’s okay.  She wishes more highly educated women wouldn’t drop out of the workforce, but understands the work it might take (and the money!) to make it work.

I’m giving the book to a colleague, and asking her to pass it on to another colleague.  I think our students should read it.  I think it’s time we stopped shooting ourselves in the foot, stopped piling on to women who make it to the top, and started helping each other get there and started doing what we need to do to get where we want.  In college, I was in a sorority, and there was a lot I dislike about it, but I especially disliked rush, when we recruited new members.  I felt fake, like I was pretending to be something I wasn’t.  I think many women feel that’s what someone like Sandberg is asking.  I had a Rush Director one year who said to us, “I want you to be yourself, but be your best self.”  I think about that often and try to live up to it.  I think that’s essentially what Sandberg is suggesting.  Don’t sell yourself short just because you’re a woman and there are all these things out there that tell you you’re not good enough.  Put your best self forward, and you will be good enough.

I was going to write another “OMG! I’m so busy!” post but I see I did that a week ago. But I am so busy, and one thing I’m struggling with is setting priorities. Right now, I’m mostly going with what’s most immediate. If it’s due tomorrow, that’s what I’m working on. Tomorrow, I give a talk, so today I created visuals, and in a few minutes, I’m re-reading my notes. Sigh.

I really do need the break that’s coming up in a little over two weeks. Most of the work that’s stressing me out a bit right now will be done by then. To some extent, it will be downhill after that. But before that, there are talks to give (yes, multiple), programs to write, classes to plan, robotics competitions to participate in, meetings to lead, documents to write and trips (yes, multiple) to plan.

Somehow it will all get done.

How does two weeks go by–just like that?  I’ve had the busiest two weeks, and there’s more to come.  Honestly, I don’t see a break until spring break.  It’s all good stuff, but I really wish I had some time to sit back, think, plan (I’m currently planning classes at night because there’s no time in the day), and reflect.  I pulled out my to-do list yesterday, and sitting there are 3 or 4 long-term projects that I’d hoped to plug away at, but which I haven’t touched.

On the plus side, I’m giving a talk in a couple of weeks at our big national conference.  I also had another talk accepted at another big national conference that happens over the summer.  And I am spearheading a couple of things at school that are starting to come to fruition.  Which takes work, but it’s good work.  I had another robotics competition this weekend, which my Upper School students won (with the help of the boys school down the road, but they did some really good work).  We’re gearing up for another one in a couple of weeks.  I started another club that’s focused on programming, and we have 6 or so students coming.  I’ve helped a student land an externship, written a letter for another to do a programming camp, and I’ve presented my classes to all the grade levels.  Rumor has it that enrollments are going to be up next year.  We’ll just have to see how the schedule falls out.

I’m both excited and nervous most of the time.  I’m excited by all the good work around computing that’s happening at my school, and for myself personally.  But I’m also nervous about living up to expectations.  Stupid imposter syndrome.  But I’m plowing ahead, taking one day at a time.  I hope to be writing here more often.  I miss it.

For many years, I resisted joining. I wanted to be the outcast, the fringe person.  I was in a few groups here and there, but often I was not popular enough (for things like student body officers) and not confident enough (to just go ahead and be the computer club president).  Starting in college, that started to slip away. I no longer cared about popularity, and I developed the confidence to own what I was really interested in. In college, I joined a sorority, but that made me feel icky about joining.  I’d done it to follow the crowd, to please my parents, all the wrong reasons.*  Once I joined some groups I was interested in, I started to see the value of joining.  I became a section editor of the school newspaper, part of the literary magazine, and eventually President of the Literary Arts Festival.  I learned a lot from those experiences.  I wasn’t always good at what I was doing, but I learned a bit about where my strengths and weaknesses lie and what it was like to be a part of something you actually cared about.

One of the biggest things I learned was that most of these roles (past middle and high school) aren’t about popularity.  Many of the groups I joined just needed a warm body.  This is true in my adult life as well.  Most interest groups, task force groups, committees, etc. have gaps in them.  Because they’re work, and because the roles are often unpaid, people resist taking them on.  But, those roles can also be an opportunity to do good work.  I was proud to have gotten the Literary Arts Festival into the black my first year on staff, and I served as President of the Graduate Student association during a year with a new department chair and a murder/suicide situation that began the year.  That required some serious mending, with meetings and conversations and other things jointly organized by me and the department chair.

While many groups involve discrete tasks, perhaps repeated year after year.  Others involve long term planning that needs the voice of different kinds of people.  It’s often easy to say one is too busy to get involved, and to shy away from the work.  But someone has to do it.  I’ve done this quite a bit locally, but I’ve been contemplating ways to do this beyond my school.  I have a couple of irons in the fire.  Actually, many irons.  The issue is, I can’t do it all.  But the other issue is, someone has to.

 

*I will say it was ultimately a good experience and I made good friends, but I still find the whole idea of sororities problematic.  Being in it made it feel even more problematic.

I have 48 hours ahead of me with no real schedule. I’m not counting the weekend. I’m debating what to do with this time. I definitely need to do some prep for my classes, but I think I only need a couple of hours for that. I also want to continue my decluttering. And I need to do some rejiggering of my technology systems. Yesterday, I missed an appointment, which was mostly because I had it in my head that it was today. Had I checked my calendar on my computer, though, I wouldn’t have seen the appointment anyway. The appointment was only on my phone and didn’t sync with my web calendar. So I turned syncing on again, and moved my agenda to my main screen, so it’s the first thing I see. Because sadly, this is not the first scheduling snafu I’ve had. Mostly I end up double-booking myself (even triple-booking!). I used to pride myself on being organized about my time, but the last few months have been challenging in this regard. On the one hand, I’ve relied on technology to help, but I also need to remember to check or to otherwise have cues to check my schedule and I often need to do so more than a couple of hours in advance.

So, mainly, I want to continue the clean slate process so that things are set up better to avoid pitfalls, and, honestly, to not feel like things are slipping through the cracks. I don’t like being that person, and I’m not usually. I need to recognize, I think, that filling my schedule too much is unproductive for me, but so is not having enough on the schedule. I need time in the day to plan, think, etc. And I need down time, but not so much that I lose track of time, which is kind of what happened yesterday.

So I’ll spend the next 48 hours cleaning and straightening, planning and looking forward. On Monday, I want to come home and feel relaxed after my first day back, and not feel like I’m ready for another vacation.

About a week ago, I started to feel overwhelmed by all the work I’m doing. Instead of feeling defeatist about it, I decided I was just going to dig in and do the best that I can. I still find it difficult to be in high gear work wise and to manage to carve out time for my family and for myself. Because I also think I can’t do my best work without getting enough rest and without feeling connected to friends and family, and honestly, without clean clothes!

And the thing is, most of my work is somewhat my choice. I do things I don’t absolutely have to do because I care about what I do. I know I can have impact on my students, on my school, and maybe even my field, through my work. So I take it seriously. But it can’t be everything.

Yes, a week went by. I had one of the busiest weeks ever. There were several days where I didn’t have a free moment. But I had a lot of great conversations with colleagues. My meetings were all productive, which I know sounds crazy. We began the week with our in-service day, where we are doing some major work as a school in preparation for our accreditation process next year. I’m co-chairing a committee so there was a lot of work to be done there. After lunch, we attended workshops run by faculty. I ran one on google docs, which is the third one I’ve run. I love doing these. I also covered a few other things I use, like twitter and ifttt. Then I attended my colleague’s workshop on robotics to see what she was up to in the lower school. And that was fun.

Later in the week, I held my techie Thursday lunch, something new I’m doing this year. It was pretty awesome. We talked about specific things like course management systems, how to see the revision history in google docs, and how to create a PDF form. But we also talked about technology literacy among our students and how we might improve upon it. The head librarian was there so she could chime in on helping students with their search skills and other information literacy skills. I could talk about what I do in my middle school tech classes and how those skills are or not addressed in upper school. It was a great conversation.

I’m also working on figuring out how to continue building the computer science program. I talked to colleagues in math and science as well as several administrators. I’m trying to do this in a cooperative way, creating something that benefits the students and the school as a whole. Everyone has been quite supportive, and quite helpful in helping me think through the possibilities and potential unintended consequences. I learned a lot about how students typically progress through their high school years. I, of course, know the requirements, etc., but this gave me a clearer sense of what students really do.

Oh, and there were the five classes I teach as well. They’re chugging along quite nicely.

I get asked quite often why I decided to make a move from college-level work to teaching in a k-12 environment. There was the obvious fact that I could not find a college-level teaching job. I had nibbles, interviews here and there. I even had one job pan out, but I turned it down because of distance and work load. There are plenty of practical things about the hours, the pay, and the type of work that made me choose to leave college work. But I think much of my decision was based on intangible things that had to do with the way I interacted with the institution.

It can be summed up with a phrase that I uttered to a colleague the other day, “We are the school.” At every place I’ve ever worked, I’ve always taken that attitude. I am part of the institution. I represent it out in the world. I contribute to it. I help keep it going, improve it, etc. and I feel that my colleagues do the same. I expect in return remuneration, of course, but also a general appreciation of my contributions to the institution. That appreciation does not have to come from the top, i.e., the administration. But I do need it to come from my colleagues first and foremost, but also students and, in the case of a k-12 school, parents (all of whom are also the school). I need to feel a sense that what I do matters, even if it’s just to a handful of people, and I need to have some semi-tangible evidence of that–appreciative emails, a thank you in the hallway, a student who lingers in the class to chat or who says hi every day in the hall. And I try to pay these things forward as well.

I guess I would classify this as a sense of community, and I suppose a collaborative work environment, a sense that we are all in this together. I get that from where I am now, even as I am aware that not everyone may feel the way I do about it. I feel it’s my job to help them feel that way about it (or alternatively, just to recognize that some people aren’t happy and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I will ignore them).

Almost every institution of higher education I’ve worked at, save one, has been the opposite of this, to the point where I just decided that the one, my graduate school, was the exception, not the rule. What I’ve found at many colleges is an air of competition, of differentiation into us and them, of a lack of empathy or even a lack of desire to understand what people across the campus do. There’s a rigidity to most places that is stifling and unproductive. Faculty get appreciated and recognized by their field and not their colleagues within their institution. Faculty may build relationships with students during a class but almost never outside of class. Staff are invisible to both faculty and students and their work goes unappreciated, and unnoticed except when it goes badly wrong and then it’s suddenly “all their fault”.

It’s a toxic environment that’s hard to fix, especially in a place with lifetime employment on one side and comings and goings among both staff and students on the other. And I am vaguely aware that such issues exist on a smaller scale at my current institution. But they are not what defines it, which has been the case at too many places I’ve been involved with.

I guess I feel that institutions of education should encourage a feeling of working toward the greater good, a common cause of educating citizens of the world. Even at research-heavy places, there should be a feeling that your work could lead to the betterment of society, whether that’s through finding cures for diseases, building the next great app, or helping people understand how literature creates a view of the world around us. Instead, many places seem to foster a dog eat dog world of fighting over scarce resources, of claiming some kinds of work is more important than other kinds (based on funding models), of a focus on looking out for oneself rather than for the institution or its members.

I could say a lot more, but I’ll just end with saying that I’m grateful for my job, for my colleagues, for my students, and their parents, all of whom make me feel like what I’m doing is worth it, even when they’re challenging me. And that’s a really nice feeling.