Too much of a good thing

27. May 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , , ,

The world of social networking is an interesting thing indeed. It’s created dilemmas for us that we never thought we’d have to face. Like whether or not to friend your mom in Facebook. (I have–hi Mom!) My son found Facebook the other day–at my suggestion. He had been using Runescape as his primary means of communicating with friends–really. Because it’s a game, he had a tendency to get sucked in for hours, so I suggested he use Facebook instead. And yes, he friended me. I guess my parents worried about our spending too much time in front of the tv. I worry about other screens. As the summer approaches, I haven’t figured out exactly how to parcel out time appropriately. After all, I spend probably 8-10 hours online myself and only about half of that is “work”.

This week, the NY Times had an article about the effect of too much texting on teens. I actually think the article makes some good points as we’ve seen similar effects from too much computer use in general–sleep problems, grades falling, anxiety (usually caused by the first two). And, as the article points out, sometimes see restrictions on texting as hypocritical as their parents are attached to their Blackberries. There are simple measures, some of which the article mentions, that parents can take. We discovered, for example, that Geeky Boy was keeping a laptop in his room and playing into the wee hours of the night. Needless to say, we now have him check all electronic devices at the door before going to bed. We haven’t done this with the cell phone since a) he doesn’t have a text plan and b) he isn’t that attached to it yet. But it would be easy to have your kids hand over the phone before bed–and in fact, this could be the rule for the whole family. We’ve also put limits on computer time or had prerequisites for using the computer. For example, homework and certain chores must be done before logging in. That usually means that there’s only an hour left as it is.

I’ve tried to be very careful about my own use of various social networking tools and try to watch my own time online. Several years ago, I had gotten so involved in blogging that I became disconnected from my family. That is not a good thing and I don’t want that to happen to me agian or to my kids. I’m regularly thinking about balance in my own and my family’s lives. I find I start to feel sort of antsy anyway if I’ve spent too much time online.

In an online discussion about Tweeting too Much, meaning, both excessively and tweeting too much personal info, several experts weigh in. Most agree that social norms in regards to what’s “too personal” and how public information is in social networking sites are still being worked out. They all seem to agree that people need to achieve some kind of balance, both about what they’re willing to put out there and how much time (and when it’s appropriate to text, etc.) they spend posting to Twitter or Facebook. Not during birth, please. And maybe not during your kid’s soccer game either. Maybe we don’t need to hear about your relationship issues either. On the other hand, if you think your sharing that information with other people going through similar issues, okay. These things used to get worked out via email lists and discussion forums (and before that, in living rooms, coffee houses/bars or over the phone). So these are new platforms for communicating, not just what we know should be public, but everything.

To some extent, this whole blurring of the public/private line fuels some of our kids’ anxiety about texting and using Facebook. They know it’s public–even if they believe it’s just a small contingent of their friends. They still need to appear cool via these venues. And come on, isn’t that part of what all our blogging, twittering, and Facebooking is about? The web gurus out there need to look like they’re on top of every story, working on cool things, talking to cool people. If you feel like you’re not, anxiety central. I used to sort of buy into that, but not anymore. I think what our kids and all of us need to figure out is how these tools benefit us and how to walk away when they’re not. I leave twitter alone when I have work to do. I only read blogs first thing in the morning and over lunch. And I consider 95% of the blog reading and writing I do to be related to my work. I do sometimes play WoW in the middle of the day when I need a break and only then for an hour (at least I try to limit that). And I don’t have a job. I could spend all day doing stuff online. It’s true, at least for me, that the use of these tools and being online in general comes in waves. There are some times when I seem to be online 24/7 and then there may be days in a row where I am not online for more than an hour a day. Finding a balance will be difficult for most people, I think, as the lines between our professional and personal lives blur and as much of our work and social lives start to take place online.

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Online vs. "real" life

16. January 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , ,

I’ve been thinking about this in a number of contexts over the last week. As I’ve moved away from an institutional job, my online life increasingly *is* my life. I work with people all over the country and meet with them via skype, in second life, or just back and forth via a Google doc. The people I interact with online are mostly people I’ve met in real life at conferences or other events. They are people I turn to for ideas, advice, and support. In my physical space, I haven’t yet found the rich support network I have online. I do have friends and former colleagues that I meet up with periodically (some of whom are also part of my online network), but it’s harder to find these people; there are fewer opportunities to “meet” in physical space. I’m working on finding and/or creating these opportunities, but it’s a slow process.

The reality and to some extent, the physicality, of online life hit home for us this week. Geeky Boy suspected that one of his online friends, someone he’d been gaming with for over 4 years, was about to commit suicide. He reported this to Mr. Geeky, who began trying to track down the kid. All we had to go on was a name and a state. Ideally, he might have contacted the parents, but he couldn’t, so he ended up calling the police. Meanwhile, GB was texting his friend and getting no response, which naturally had him worried. The police took the whole thing seriously and did indeed track down GB’s friend, almost simultaneously with the friend finally contacting GB. We’re glad that GB didn’t brush off the incident as some random kid he knew online and took the situation as seriously as he would for a friend he knew in person. The whole situation is an indication, perhaps, that many kids will form lasting and real friendships online. I have hope that the building of these relationships will make the online world more hospitable as people eliminate the distinction between relationships that are “real” and those that are online.

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What I’ve Learned from Playing WoW

18. May 2008 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , ,

I know it’s been forever since I’ve blogged and the title is some indication of where I’ve been, but not all. Last week was a busy week in the Geeky household. I traveled. Mr. Geeky traveled. I’m taking a week off this week, so there were lots of loose ends to tie up. I’m using this next week to do a serious GTD-style review of my household stuff, which feels largely out of control at this point. I’ll also be doing some reading and thinking for my upcoming Gender and Technology course (suggestions welcome!), working on an article, and working on a book proposal. We’ll see where I get.

So, the list of what I’ve learned from WoW, which I’ve been thinking about for a while now.

What I’ve learned about myself:

  • I like having concrete goals.
  • I enjoy being part of a team, but I almost equally enjoy working alone.
  • I’m reluctant to take a leadership role in a completely new situation. As I’m learning more about how the game works, this is less true as I can rely on my experience in similar situations to get through.
  • I like helping others, even if there’s no direct reward for doing so.
  • I’m willing to do boring tasks in order to be successful.
  • I probably should have become a sociologist.

What I’ve learned about others or society in general:

  • Some people are just mean and selfish and stupid and there’s nothing you can say or do to change that. It’s best to avoid them or reduce their impact on the situation.
  • Gaming is one of the few social arenas where there’s some age diversity and there’s a lot to learn from that. For example, I was in a dungeon with a kid whom I’d place (on hearing his voice) at around 11 and another kid (based on his text msgs) at around 16 or so. The 16-year old was annoyed that the 11 year old was running around trying everything. He sent me a private message saying he was leaving cause this guy was being stupid. I told him that that’s just the way 11 year olds are and that he doesn’t know any better unless you tell him. In general I’ve found that older people learn patience with younger people and how to take more risks and younger people learn to be less selfish, overly confident, and rash. I find interesting examples of what different age groups learn from each other all the time.
  • Communication is important.
  • People are mostly generous.
  • People can form real friendships in virtual worlds.
  • People behave in game much as they would in real life.

There’s probably more, but I think part of my addiction to the game is not just about the fun of the game itself, but what it’s revealing to me about my fellow human beings and myself. I find it fascinating. There’ll be more blogging this week, I’m sure, as I have a number of posts stored up in my head.

Please consider donating to my efforts in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure

Downloading Movies and Music

04. March 2008 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

Has it been a week since I’ve blogged? Yikes. Mr. Geeky was away last week, so I was single parenting and then over the weekend, I convinced the kids to help me clean up around the house. So there. I spent the rest of the time watching bad tv and gaming. It’s what I do when the brain is mush.

Anyway, to keep the kids entertained over the weekend, I decided to download some movies for us to watch. And let me just say, it was rather frustrating. Not completely frustrating. Just rather. As this Wired article points out, the movie industry is going the same way as the music industry did. They’re creating restrictive distribution methods that prevent people from doing what they used to do with the old media. Case in point. For me, the best way to download a movie would be through Amazon because that goes directly to my TiVo so I can watch it on the big screen. But Amazon’s collection didn’t include anything I had any desire to watch, so I switched to iTunes. For my family viewing purposes, iTunes had a better selection, but I can only download to my computer. I can’t shift the media to my TiVo. If I had AppleTV, I could, but I don’t. In the old media days (and I know most people are still living in those days), I would have rented a DVD (or VHS) and it would have been no problem. I could watch it on the big screen without thinking twice. I guess the only equivalent old media issue that was similar was the VHS/Beta wars. And yes, I remember them.

What we need is a digital version of the DVD player. It shouldn’t matter where you rent your digital movie from. You should be able to send it to the box and play it in your TV–or wherever. As it was, I hooked up my computer to the TV and we watched everything just fine, but it wasn’t ideal. David Pogue also points out these issues in a recent column. He discusses the most maddening of problems with movie downloads:

Then there is the 24-hour limit. Suppose you typically do not start a movie until 7:30 p.m., after dinner and the homework have been put away. If you do not have time to finish the movie in one sitting, you cannot resume at 7:30 tomorrow night; at that point, the download will have self-destructed.

Again, not an issue with rented DVDs. You keep the movie for 3 days usually (or if you’re like me, a week or two). You can watch it over and over if you want. Not so with the digital movie unless you do so within the 24-hour period. And most of us just aren’t going to do that.

As both authors point out, the movie industry is pissing off the very people who are willing to shell out money for their products. And some of those people are going to turn to BitTorrent instead of iTunes. It has a better selection, it’s cheaper, and you can do whatever you want with it. Come up with the legal version of this and you’ll make money.

The same kinds of issues can be found in the music industry, which I also had experience with over the weekend. Songs and artists aren’t available through every digital venue, although it seems to be better than the movie industry. Still, just as I might choose which music store I go to because it’s close or I like the owner, I should be able to choose my digital music store for the same reasons.

Sadly, I get the feeling that most of this is not going to come out in the consumers’ favor.

Please consider donating to my efforts in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure

Google is not about privacy–and that may be okay

26. December 2007 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , , ,

There’s a post this morning about how some people are complaining that Google Reader’s new feature where your shared items are shared with your contacts violates their privacy. Robert Scoble says that Google needs more granular privacy controls a la Facebook. I vote with his first response, that people need clarification on what public means.

I’ve written about this before, from the standpoint of being aware that future employers are increasingly eyeing a future employee’s online presence. Increasingly, I think, if you’re using social software, nothing is private. Search, even, is not private. Sure, there are ways to change settings so that your searches aren’t cached, your blogs aren’t pinging services, etc., but most people don’t change the defaults, so they’re just out there. And that’s okay. People just need to understand up front what it means to have so much of their online activity shared. And maybe being more open–online or elsewhere–is a good thing. Maybe it makes us more accountable for our actions. Sure, there are still some parts of our lives and our thoughts that are private, but mostly those parts aren’t being put online and if they are, I’d argue that either a) someone doesn’t understand how public the online space is; or b) they want people to know about those parts. Healthy skepticism is good, but paranoia leads us down a bad path.

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Clean exploitation?

01. October 2007 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , ,

There’s a good discussion brewing at 11D and Megan McArdle about whether we middle and upper-class people should feel guilty about hiring help to clean our houses. We have a cleaning woman. We’ve had the same cleaning woman for 6 years. I suspect we’re her cheapest clients. The first time she came to our apartment, she looked around and said, “Yeah, you need help.” And we’d cleaned up before she came over.

One of the main reasons we hired a cleaning woman is articulated nicely by one of 11D’s commenters:

I sense that, in hiring a cleaning lady, I’m not really buying back my own time as much as I’m avoiding a HUGE, life-long argument with my husband about him actually doing his share. 

Honestly, I suck at housekeeping. I hate it. I have a kind of ideal desire for a clean house, but lose motivation very quickly. And since I’ve had kids, I’m mostly just overwhelmed by the complete mess they leave in their wake. Mr. Geeky feels much the same way, but has even less time to devote to housekeeping. We were honestly having the same argument over and over about who should do what and we were keeping score and all that crap. And it wasn’t fun and even though we couldn’t really afford it, we hired a housekeeper to end that argument. We still have it every once in a while, but we don’t live in squalor for at least a few days every week.

In the comments to both posts, some commenters are really talking about cleaning services as opposed to hiring an individual. One commenter at Megan’s, for example, claims that we hire people to do things for us when they are better or more efficient than we are.

But a cleaning lady does not perform the function any better than you or I could. They are not faster, and if they are, it is often to the detriment of the quality of the work. In other words, you pay them because your opportunity cost is greater than the savings you would accumulate by not paying these people. . . . 

Hey, we have all in a pinch used a service or function that we may have objections to. But I know my fiancé and I go out of our way to not use the cleaning services because they are nothing but exploitive businesses, and thus, you the customer are an extension of that very model.

I read Nickeled and Dimed. I know Merry Maids and its ilk pay minimum wage and no insurance, etc. That’s why I hired an independent contractor who works for herself. She sets her own fees. I also happen to know that she has health insurance through her husband’s job and that the money she earns from cleaning houses is going to pay for her kids’ college education. I’m really okay with that if she is. I don’t think she would have put the ad in the paper if she weren’t. And if she wants to quit, that’s okay with me too. And if I let her go, I know she will find another client quickly in this market.

It’s true that they may be housecleaners their whole lives, but they may not be either. Laura explains in her post that some of her guilt comes from this issue to which some people said, “What about bussers at restaurants?” She responds in a comment:

House cleaners are different from people who bus tables in a restaurant. The table bussers have the opportunity to move up the ranks of restaurant workers to waiters to maitre d’s. They progressively work up to fancier restaurants where they make more money and have more job satisfaction. 

Not that I’ve seen. We must dine in different restaurants. I was a waitress for years and bussers and dishwashers almost never moved up the ranks. A dishwasher might move to bussing and a busser might move to being bar back or get better shifts and more tips, but I never saw a busser become a waiter. I have no idea if that’s what they wanted to do and so were thwarted in their goals. It’s just what I’ve observed. In the restaurants I’ve worked in, bartending is the top of the ladder (aside from management) and that’s where the good tips are. Like housekeeping, bussing and dishwashing is largely invisible work done by the less educated.

There’s also some talk about what class we are really in. A while back, when the NYTimes printed that series on class, I was shocked to find myself in the top 5%. I’ve never considered myself rich, because I think we’re shown so many images of the truly rich (and I drive by their houses every day) that I just assumed I was somewhere just above the midpoint. That gap between the top 1% and top 5% is huge.

The whole conversation is really interesting on many levels.

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Watch out for those tubes!

04. June 2007 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

Apparently, it’s Internet Safety Month. I don’t doubt that there are some really problematic situations that arise because of the availability of the Internet, but the Internet itself is not dangerous in the same way that roads and highways in and of themselves are not dangerous. So I find the whole thing a bit silly. It gives people the opportunity to demonize something they don’t understand. I do think parents should talk to their kids about Internet usage, about not giving out details or addresses or phone numbers. But I also think parents should participate themselves as much as possible so that they know and understand what their kids are participating in. When I used to hang out at the mall, my parents knew and understood that venue, so I think parents should do the same with the Internet. Get yourself a blog, an avatar in whatever online world your kid likes, have an IM account and use it with your kids, watch them play games. In other words, be involved the same way you would be involved in their other activities. But it’s not the deep dark woods where people are lying in wait to take your children and bake them in a pie.

In a recent poll, parents ranked Internet safety above abuse as a major health concern. According to information I found here, about .00007% of all children using the Internet are abducted. Woah. Almost 4 times as many children are abducted by family members. But watch out for the Internet.

I think privacy concerns are probably more of concern to all of us, no matter what age. A lot of data about us is floating around out there and we are, most of us, trusting of those who have it. Identity theft is a concern, but I’m personally more concerned about the government or even a major corporation using the data immorally. But I’m not sure the government has the technological firepower to do much with the flood of information they have, but that’s not to say that they won’t someday. Still, I’m not going to be too paranoid about it, and of course, this kind of Internet safety isn’t what the government had in mind when they declared June to be Internet safety month. After all, the government wouldn’t hurt you (much).

So, I’m going to go skating along the Information superhighway. I’ll have my seatbelt on, but I might go over the speed limit a bit. Be careful out there!

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