Losing weight, getting fit, again

28. December 2011 · 4 comments · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

For the last five or so years, I’ve wanted to lose weight.  I’ve written about it here a lot.  I’ve made it a New Year’s Resolution many times.  And many times, I’ve failed to lose weight.  I’ve fallen off the exercise/diet wagon.  I was lamenting not having time to exercise to someone last night, and they said, “You have to make time for it.”  Which I know.  And I can’t decide where to make time.  Morning seems out unless I get up 1/2 hour earlier, which I don’t see happening.  I have a hard enough time with the crack of dawn hour I get up at now.  Last year, I did get home at a semi-reasonable hour most days–by 4 or 4:30, which allowed time for a walk or something and which I honestly did every once in a while.  But now I’m running an after-school program and I sometimes don’t get home until 6.  On my best days, I’m home at 5:15.  My inclination when I get home is not to jump into an exercise routine, but have a glass of wine, chat with husband and start dinner.

My other issue is what kind of exercise to do.  Walking is fine and dandy, but it’s working the same muscle groups and probably not doing anything to work off inches where I want, namely, my butt and thighs. Also, I get wimpy about cold weather.  I’d like to do some yoga again, but feel the need to take a class, which costs money.  Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and do that.  I have a friend who runs a yoga studio and I think I should look into that.

So, I keep seeing this series of decisions I can’t seem to make and failing.  I’m inclined to at least give it a try.  Mornings are out, evenings are in, and dammit, I’m going to call my friend with the yoga place.  I’ll let you know how it works out.

 

Inertia

06. January 2010 · 1 comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

I’m fighting a losing battle with it.  Every day this week so far, I got up, got the kids off to school and started working.  I started building my class blog, making detailed notes for the first week of class, reading the textbook.  I wrote a little.  But what I want to do is take a long, hot bath with a good book.  And truthfully, I can. I could.  But I’m also trying to keep up with the workouts, which I should be on my way to doing right. this. moment.  But I’m not going. It’s bitter cold outside.  And I just don’t wanna.  I don’t want to change clothes, work up a sweat and then have to rinse off, change clothes again.  And then, when the kids get home–about 1.5 hours from now–I have to corral them into homework and there’s dinner to make and a PTO meeting to go to.  And thinking about all of that makes me tired.  And cranky.  So I’m going to let the inertia take hold today.  Tomorrow I’ll work out.  Today, I’m taking a bath.

Recession: Personal Effects

24. April 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

I was going to write an upbeat post, given that it’s Friday, and it looks like it’s going to be gorgeous today and through the weekend. There’s a lot to look forward to.

But, underlying much optimism is the knowledge that for many people, the world is not looking bright and sunny. I’ve been reading NPR’s Planet Money for several months now as a way of keeping up with what’s going on in the economy (in a way that makes sense but doesn’t shy away from complexity). A couple of days ago, they posted about the suicide of David Kellerman, CFO of Freddie Mac, and the familicide in Maryland that many now think was linked to mounting debt and financial problems. On my way back from a doctor’s appointment yesterday, I listened to a story about these familicides, which are up in the last few months and are almost always up during an economic downturn. Many problems don’t reach the level of familicide, and instead financial woes lead to increased incidents of spousal and child abuse.

As I drive around town, I’ve seen stores shuttered or giant going out of business signs. I’ve had the experience of going to a store to buy something only to find it out of business, as Anjali wrote about on her own blog. People I know at the college have been laid off. My stepfather was laid off. Parents of kids at my kids’ schools have been laid off. I regularly receive email from the college about budget meetings, budget cuts, etc. I feel a huge amount of sympathy for these people. I feel a sense of survivor syndrome given that I quit my own job and we can afford for that to happen. And yet I worry that, at 41, if I needed to get another job, I couldn’t. All that doom and gloom and conflicted feelings can be debilitating.

I think that’s what’s behind some of my blah. Yesterday, I got the letter officially terminating my part-time teaching gig. I, of course, had not expected to continue, so it wasn’t like this was necessary. The point of the letter was to make sure I returned my library books and gave up my office and its equipment, etc. Next week is the last week of classes. On the one hand, I’ve enjoyed teaching this class. I’ve learned a great deal about myself, about my teaching, and about the subject matter of the course. On the other hand, I’m looking forward to having more time to build my business and to explore other kinds of work. The bad economic situation makes me feel uneasy about that. It makes me think, maybe I should pursue another part-time teaching job just so we have some extra steady income. And then I think, but it takes time to do freelance consulting work and teaching would take away from it. And then I think, but the teaching is related to the consulting work. It’s a vicious circle.

The reality is that time will take care of some of these worries one way or another. Either we’ll discover we need for me to work or we don’t. Either the business will take off or it won’t. And then we can make decisions. I’m borrowing trouble, so to speak. And despite some financial worries on my part, I think it’s important for me not to have a regular gig for a while. In the weeks just before classes began, I was humming along. Things were good. I need to remember that instead of looking at the worst case scenario.

*someone in my blog world was writing about this the other day and now I can’t find it-gah!

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Do what you love, not what makes you look good to others

11. February 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , ,

I’m thinking about mantras, things that I can live by and that I can remind myself of whenever I find myself in a rut. It’s inspired by The Happiness Project. I’m kind of working on my own project, but I’m not sure how prescriptive I want to be. Gretchen has 12 commandments, and this is along those lines. It’s a phrase that keeps coming into my head lately. And I’ve actually written about this before.

I think I finished the Ph.D. this time and not the last time because I loved my topic. I had always loved it, but I didn’t realize it until I started working on it. I had chosen my former topic because people told me I was good at it and because I thought it would land me “a good job.” Once I realized there were no good jobs really, I just did what I wanted.

I have done many a thing in life because I thought it would make me look cool or look better to a particular group of people I was trying to impress. And most of the time it made me miserable. I’ve learned to recognize when that’s happening, of course, but there are subtle ways it often comes back into play. I feel like I ought to do things a certain way, read certain things, or watch certain shows. And now I’m stopping and asking myself if I’m doing something because I want to or because I think it makes me look “right.”

Now, I’m not eliminating doing things that I ought to, but don’t want to do–like eating well, exercising, or cleaning up–but I focus on what I want to obtain out of those things, not those things themselves or what they say about who I am. For example, long ago, I wanted to be seen as “the kind of person that exercises,” so I started jogging, tried to take up sports, etc. It. did. not. work. I am not the kind of person that exercises, but I can exercise if my goal fits something I really want for myself. Right now, I really do want to look good in a bathing suit, which I know sounds vain and all, but seriously, that’s what I want.

So I’m trying to focus on that as I think about what I’m doing, what I’m going to do, and not be drawn to things that might garner great comments at cocktails parties, but that would make me really unhappy.

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A nearly perfect weekend

08. February 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

I haven’t had one of these in a while. I often feel like the weekends are either slug mode after which I feel horribly guilty or filled with so much activity, it may as well be Monday. It started with a night out with Mr. Geeky, a much-needed escape from the kids and the rest of our lives. I spent much of Saturday not doing anything, though I did manage a trip to the grocery store. I tend to do this many weekends–set aside a day where I give myself permission not to do anything. Sometimes this slides into the whole weekend, leading to, as I mentioned, guilt. And sometimes, it’s just not possible because there’s two birthday parties and a soccer game to manage. But this weekend, not so. I played more WoW than I have in a while, with a reasonable number of breaks away from it. And since I squeezed in a trip to the store, I felt completely guilt free.

Sunday, Mr. Geeky and I got up early and then walked over to our local breakfast spot. We’ve only been there a few times, but it’s a place with no menu and a random collection of family and customer photos everywhere. Over the grill is a whiteboard that always has either a Bible verse or a religiously-inspired message. Mr. Geeky and I noticed that behind us hung two photos of Obama’s inauguration. We found this interesting since it contradicted the political vibe we were getting from the decor and from the clientele. The food there is good, though not fabulous, and the business, thankfully, seems to be thriving. We’ve seen one local business close down already.

After breakfast, I threw myself into laundry and other household chores, recruiting Mr. Geeky and the kids as necessary. I had decided that I didn’t want to start Monday surrounded by dirty clothes and clutter. Many loads of laundry and some newly hung shelves later, I felt free. I prepped for class. I even made cookies. It was kind of wacky. Maybe it was all the coffee.

———

On another note, I’ve not been as engrossed in the news lately. I know there’s a stimulus package working it’s way through Congress. I’m actually pretty pissed about the whole thing, but have nothing intelligent to say about it. Mostly I’m tired of hearing a bunch of rich people complain about how the bill costs too much, doesn’t cut taxes enough, or whatever. I see future Tom Daschle’s there, not the working men and women whose lives are truly being affected by the crisis. And bleh to this Kristof column. He’s condescending to both scientists and women. And yet, the column is supposed to be about how banks need more women. It’s weird.

Although I sometimes wish I were keeping up with more, part of me feels like my stress level is better off without reading or watching politicians and pundits yell at each other.

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The opposite of do more with less: just do less

13. January 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , ,

This post this morning made me feel much better about my lack of energy yesterday. One of the things I’m actually focused on is doing less. Of coming back to a place of real balance. I had taken to heart the common corporate (and educational institution) mantra of “Do more with less.” I’m sure that mantra is even more prevalent today as companies cut jobs or ask workers to take pay cuts or forgo raises. I personally found that mentality very stressful and I bet a lot of other people do too. And part of my distress yesterday was that I found myself feeling like I needed to do more in order to be successful. But I just didn’t have the energy for it and so I thought I was being lazy and then beat myself up. The spirals of doubt we get ourselves into!

The other blog I’ve been following that brings me out of those spirals is The Happiness Project, now also on Slate. As Gretchen says in her first post for Slate,

I realized with a jolt that I never thought about happiness, or whether I was happy, or what I could do to be happier. . . . Some people think that wanting to be happier is a selfish, self-absorbed goal—but I disagree. Robert Louis Stevenson got it right: “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy,” he wrote. Research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likeable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in the problems of others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens.

Like the “Do More with Less” mantra, society tends to value people who are “productive” or at least look that way. Those focusing on their own personal happiness are viewed as suspect. But I’m with Gretchen, being happy is a good thing for everyone, not just the person who is striving for it.

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My daily routine, or, God, I do laundry every day!

19. November 2008 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

This week is about establishing some sort of routine so that I don’t spend all my time eating bon-bons and watching “What Not to Wear.” I still feel that I need to dig the house out from under its years of neglect, so I really do do laundry almost every day. Something always needs to be washed.

My day starts at 6:30. I wake up Geeky Boy, shove him into the shower while I go get coffee. Mr. Geeky is sometimes responsible for this task, but a) he stays up later than I do and sometimes it’s just as hard to rouse him at 6:30 and b) Geeky Boy doesn’t get up for him as well and c) he’s not very patient with Geeky Boy’s resistance to waking up (yes, pot, kettle).* At 7:00, I wake up Geeky Girl and I go downstairs and make breakfast. Right now, that’s an English muffin and a half grapefruit. Sometimes it’s eggs. Sometimes we skip that and Geeky Boy eats at school.

At 7:30, I drive Geeky Boy to school. We’re within walking distance, but it’s a really long walk. He has to leave no later than 7:10 (which means getting up at 6:00) to get there by 7:35/7:40. When it’s cold, we always drive him. I’m home by 7:45.

Meanwhile, Geeky Girl has been getting ready at home. Mr. Geeky is away this week, but normally he prods her through the process. She needs less prodding than Geeky Boy, which Mr. Geeky likes immensely. He can check email, etc. and not have to be “on” as much. She leaves at 8:00 for the bus.

During my work days, I would get in the shower either right after I got home from dropping Geeky Boy off or between 8 and 8:30. Now it’s 8:30 at the earliest. When Mr. Geeky is here, I usually wait for him, so it’s 9 or 9:30 before I shower. This may seem irrelevant, but I generally don’t start my “work” day until after I’ve showered, but I think delaying that until 10 is going to be problematic, so the shower may get postponed in lieu of work. The joys of working at home!

At any rate, this week, I’ve worked through until lunch on a couple of writing projects, splitting the time evenly between the two, so about 1.5 hours on each. This is working for now, but I have a feeling, I may end up alternating days on each project or working on one in the morning and the other in the afternoon, something like that. The main thing I want to establish is that morning (which is my best brain time) is for work of that nature, not for housework, etc.

After lunch, which lasts only 20 minutes or so, I do housework-type stuff. I’m limiting this to only an hour. Each day is devoted to a particular part of the house. Today is living room day. What I’ve been doing is not just general straightening, but also massive cleanouts. Today, for example, I’m going to work on the entertainment cabinets, getting rid of some things we don’t need and organizing it. I’m also going to hang the blinds, blinds that we purchased at least 6 months ago (this is what I mean by neglect).

From 2-5, I putter. I’ve done different things. Sometimes, I just take a complete break. But mostly, I’ve been reading or finishing up a house project or baking. I’ve also tinkered around with a web site I’m working on for my future possible business, responded to various emails, etc. Geeky Boy gets home anywhere from 3-4 and Geeky Girl gets home at 4, so really, it’s hard to get involved in much of anything if I’m only going to have an hour to devote to it. When they get home, I get them started on homework. I also assign them chores. Every day, as I’m puttering, I think of things for them to do. Yesterday, I had Geeky Boy gather all the trash and take it outside. Geeky Girl is still excavating her room and they both had to clean the kitchen. Today, I’ll probably have Geeky Boy sort the recycling. Every day, there’s work to do on their rooms. I’m trying my best to establish new habits for them. In the past, there’s not really been time for chores except on the weekends and we all kind of rushed around in a vain attempt to maintain order.

This leaves evenings free. Sometimes, there’s more homework to complete or a chore or two to finish up, but generally, by 7:30, we can all relax and do whatever. Yesterday, we watched the Daily Show together. We’ve played games, etc.

I have a feeling that the holidays are going to throw a wrench in all of this. But, I’m hopeful that by at least Christmas, we’ll have a good enough foundation laid that I can really get cracking on things by January. Right now, I consider myself on sabbatical without a project.

*For the record, I think it’s ridiculous that school starts for teenagers at such an ungodly hour. I really, really wish they’d change this, for all our sakes.

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Not really working yet

11. November 2008 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

So, I’m not really doing anything one might categorize as “work” yet. Which is okay since I hadn’t planned on doing anything in that category until say, December-ish. I am reading. I hope to start doing some writing next week. Mostly I’m trying to get my health back and my house into maintenance mode (rather than “can’t even find a pair of underwear in the morning mode”; not a good mode, trust me).

Yesterday, I went for a walk and raked leaves. It felt good to be outside. It also felt good to accomplish something that had visible results. Being a complete weather wimp and it being a chilly 38 degrees today, I’ll not be venturing outdoors today, but I do hope to squeeze in some yoga on the wii fit. There’s also grocery shopping and laundry to be done and a little work on the kids’ rooms (a harrowing experience, let me tell you). In between all of that will be some reading (I have about 4 books going). Last night, instead of having our heads in our computers or glued to the tv, we played a game of Boggle (which I won). Much as I love technology, sometimes it’s good to step away from the keyboard. I’m trying to find the right balance. It’s awfully easy to do nothing but hang out online when there are no meetings to go to.

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Eventful night

08. November 2008 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags:

Our little neighborhood is usually all in bed by 10 p.m. Very few things happen. We’ve had a small house fire, a suspected Lexus ring, and a couple of high-school parties, but nothing more exciting than that. Last night, we were awakened at 3:00 a.m. to a horn honking, constant, like someone had fallen on the wheel. That was followed by a lot of yelling. Our houses are close enough together that Mr. Geeky, who’d gone downstairs to see what was going on, could hear the whole thing. The shouting match ended with someone getting punched and glass breaking. By then, Mr. Geeky was already calling the police.

The woman who was doing the honking and the shouting and the punching had already left by the time the police arrived. But she came back, less loudly this time. By then, we couldn’t sleep. So it was 9:30 before we roused ourselves.

It’s a bit disturbing to have your social norms violated. In our neighborhood, domestic issues are kept inside. To have them on display like that feels odd. Worse, we are actually worried about the safety of our neighbors, not for ourselves, but of course, we don’t want to butt in. Sigh. I just hope it all gets resolved.

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Reality check

04. December 2007 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,
This afternoon I learned that one of my college friends died of breast cancer. She was 39. I was struck pretty hard by the news. She was someone I was fairly close to in college, but then lost track of immediately afterwards. I only saw her at reunions. So it’s not as if I had remained close to her. If I had, I would have know about the downturn her health had taken in the last month and perhaps, the news of her death would not have been quite so surprising.

For me, she is frozen in time, 20 years ago, when I would spend many hours sitting in her dorm room, discussing the finer points of relationships. I remember when she asked me if she should pursue her future husband romantically. “We’re best friends,” she had said. “I can’t sleep with my best friend.” I assured her she could. She was a very solid person and was always a good source of advice, so I always liked spending time with her, whether it was hanging out in her room or at a party or having a couple of drinks.

When I saw her later, she still had her youthful vivaciousness, but touched with maturity. She had become a wonderful woman.

I don’t know what else to say except that it just seems so hard to have someone die so young. She seems to have lived a rich life, but it just wasn’t a long enough one.

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