I’m at a conference and my accommodations have no Internet and no tv.  In fact, there’s only one outlet.  When I’m on vacation, I expect to be disconnected, but this is a work-related trip.  I expect not only to be able to do work things, but also check in with family and friends via the Internet.  I felt a little antsy, I must admit.  Even most of my reading material is on either my computer or my Nook, and I couldn’t access either without the Internet.  Luckily, I’d brought some non-digital material to read.  But, as I drifted off to sleep, I wondered what it might be like to forgo the Internet for a while.  I’m not sure I could do it.  I could give up aspects of the Internet–Twitter, Facebook, even WoW, I could live without.  But I download movies, books, read the news, even watch tv with the help of the Internet.

But maybe I should think more about how I use the Internet.  I tend to do so reflexively as its been part of my work now for about 15 years.  Here’s an example.  I’ve hopped on the Google+ bandwagon, and when I look at it, I don’t think it’s revolutionizing my social network.  It’s still a stream of random information from *mostly* random strangers.  And most of that is information I don’t really need.  One could argue I might need the connections to people, but I’m not sure that’s even true.  I’m not trying to sell something or promote myself, though I grant that my school actually likes the publicity, so there’s that.  There are people out there I want to stay connected to–former students, former classmates, colleagues in my field.  But do I need three different places to keep up with them?

I know this line of thinking is old hat, even for me.  But I think this is connected somewhat to my lamentations about summer.  It’s all too easy to spend hours on end on the Internet, whether it’s playing a game, watching funny videos, or reading blogs.  There’s nothing wrong, of course, with leisure, with just goofing around.  But I think I”m starting to agree with some critics who suggest that the Internet weakens our ties, and is generally shallow.  It doesn’t have to be, but it lends itself to being that way.  Witness the shift from blogs to Facebook and Twitter.  Where once people used to post a link and comment on it, now they just post it to Twitter, often without adding anything to it.   That can be seen as more efficient.  After all, who needs commentary from random people.  But that’s what I found interesting, actually.  What do “real” people think about this issue?  Much of that is gone.

Perhaps the real question is, what do we do with the Internet now?  Now that Twitter (and now Google+) are the media of choice.  Now that passive forms of entertainment like tv and movies have migrated from a box that sits in the living room to any box with an Internet connection.  And now that our data (via sites like Facebook) is out there for any marketer, government agent, or a nefarious person to get to.  While some of us have been thinking about this all along, most people have rushed headlong into putting everything out there, into connecting without thinking about what that means, into just getting lost in wires.

Over the last year, I’ve noticed several blogs pass into oblivion, either with or without an announcement.  This week, Bitch, Ph.D. said goodbye.  Several of the blogs of people I’ve been reading for 5 or 6 years are either gone or on a very sporadic schedule.  Twitter and Facebook seem more popular, though I have no desire to spend much time there.  My WoW guild is having an existential crisis of sorts.  Several members have left, citing both a boredom with the way the game works now and an increase in the need to spend time with work or family.  I, too, have spent less time online than I once did.  At first I did so out of a feeling that I was spending too much time online and not giving enough attention to other things in my life.  But now, it’s because I literally don’t have time.

I have a couple of thoughts about what appears to me to be not a “death of blogs” or “death of the online world” moment, but certainly a moment of transition.  Some of the disappearance, especially of blogs is a factor of commercialization.  As corporations set up blogs or media outlets like the Huffington Post arise, the small-time blogger has a harder time keeping up.  It’s impossible to keep up volume-wise and there’s the inevitable loss of audience as a result.  There are exceptions, but I do think a lot of us liked blogging because it felt like a community.  We got comments.  We had conversations in the comment threads, between blogs, etc.  I see that happening much less now.  I used to comment a lot.  It’s much more rare now.

I also wonder if some of us who’ve been online a while are getting bored.  Honestly, I’ve been participating in online communities for twenty years.  Every four or five years, the world would shift and a new type of community would emerge.  Nothing new along those lines has really emerged for a while.  Yes, there’s Facebook (been there since 2004).  And there’s Twitter (been there since 2007).  Neither of those offer the in-depth reading I want, nor the community I’d like.

I also think the online world is being used for other things.  Gaming thrives, but older games like WoW are losing their appeal, especially for those who’ve been playing for a while.  All of my guildmates agree that it wouldn’t be fun for us without the community aspects of the game, but increasing games are not meant to build community.  We’re still waiting to see if the expansion brings that concept back, but even I feel kind of blah about it.  Video has exploded, bringing our tv mentalities to the web.  So we pull up video on Hulu and watch for a 1/2 hour or hour and then we feel like we’re done.  And then there’s our phones and other devices, like the iPad and the Kindle, which offer other kinds of activities, most of which are disconnected.

I realize there are some people out there just now discovering all the wonders of the Internet, but for me, it’s starting to lose its luster.  And that’s left me with a bit of gap, entertainment wise.  My family asked me why I wasn’t raiding last night.  And I said, essentially, “Meh.”  I told Geeky Girl I needed a new hobby.  She asked me what I liked to do, and it was hard to come up with anything.  When I was kid, my hobby was writing, thus the appeal of blogging.  As I got older, I picked up needlepoint, but that takes more time than I have and I’m not that interested in the results.  I’ve never been much of a gardener.  Most plants that come into my house don’t leave alive.  I have no artistic talent for painting or pottery or even jewelry making.  I’m interested in politics, but not enough to go out and volunteer a lot.  And even though I have some time for myself, between work and managing kids and the house, I’m not looking to fill a huge amount of time.

Don’t worry, I’m not shutting down Geeky Mom any time soon, but I am doing some thinking about my life online.  I think it’s fair to say that the Internet will always be a part of my life, but what I choose to do on it (with it?) may be transitioning, as, I think it is for many people.

I’ve been thinking a bit more about the Internet and my own relationship to it, which is now 20 years in.  It began with email and newsgroups and talk and expanded with the web, IRC, blogging, and gaming.  It is a key way I communicate and interact with people.  Back in 1996, when I was at home with Geeky Boy, unemployed and mostly bored out of my mind, I logged onto the school-provided modem and started surfing the web for parenting information.  I landed at a site called “Parent Soup,” which I know some others of you out there participated in back in the day.  The best part about this site was it’s IRC chat.  In real time, I could carry on conversations with other parents.  It was a godsend.  I had no car and no real connections, being new to the neighborhood.  It staved off loneliness and boredom, and was something I participated in for several years.  I even met some of the people from those chats in real life.

But it was no substitute for face-to-face connections.  I still needed those, and still do.  For me, there’s just something that feels different about having face-to-face friends, people I can run into at the store or that hang out at my house for dinner.  Typically, when I lack those connections, I have turned to the Internet to fill in the gap.  And I think that can be a positive thing.  It can keep me from feeling too disconnected.  But one can also invest too much in those online connections.  Back in the Parent Soup days, I know there was a time when I got too involved and felt myself neglecting the people around me.  I did the same with blogging a few years ago.  While I know that real friendships can form online and many of the people I interact with online are people I’ve met, there’s something lacking, for me, in those online interactions.  And favoring those over the more immediate relationships with my family and friends has not always been a good thing for me.

The thing is, the Geeky family is relatively social, but we’re also prone to letting inertia set in rather than schedule time with friends and family (I’m talking to you Mr. Geeky).  As we’ve gotten better about that, I’ve felt my online interactions normalize.  It’s easy to step away from the computer when you have things to step away from the computer to.  I think that’s why gaming hasn’t led to the neglectful attitude that IRC and blogging did.  And, I think I learned something from those prior instances.  I recognize now when I’m starting to drift away.

There’s still the issue of the Internet as a source of stimulation, apart from the people.  Most of my work is done on the computer, some with some without the Internet.  But the Internet is there: email, twitter, Facebook.  It’s almost always in the background.  So, I think I’m going to challenge myself.  On Monday, I’m going Internet-free.  Mostly.  For business reasons, I still need to check email, but I will do that only 3 times–morning, noon, and 5 p.m.  Otherwise, no online newspaper, no Twitter, no Facebook, no gaming.  I asked Mr. Geeky if he could do it, and he said, sure, I’d go camping or something.  And I said, yes, but could you do it if you had access to it and chose not to access it.  And he said, Umm, why would I do that?

I’m not trying to say the Internet is bad, but I think it’s good to examine how much one relies on the Internet and for what purposes.  Is it to keep your brain occupied, to avoid housework (ahem), or because you can’t think of anything better to do?  And I think there are other things in our lives–cars, electricity–that are worth abstaining from in order to recognize how much we depend on them.  Of course I’ll be reporting on the experience.  And if you’d like to join in, feel free to!

It is in theory a theme of this blog to discuss issues related to parenting and managing technology.  And I do.  A quick search of parenting and technology or kids and technology will yield quite a few posts.  Laura pointed to this New York Times article about how parents’ concerns about the Internet have shifted from worrying about online predators to concern over cyber bullying.  Frankly, I think the shift is good.  The likelihood that a child will be harmed by an online predator is very, very slim while the chances that they’ll be exposed to harmful comments and even hurt by them by friends and acquaintances is pretty certain, sadly.

Laura asked about parental security software and I rejected the idea completely in my comments.  I think software to “protect” your kids from bad things online is pretty silly, actually.  First, it’s not perfect at determining what’s bad, and it might block good things and not block all the bad things.  Second, if, as a parent, you think it is blocking all that it needs to, you might stop paying attention to what your kids are doing online.  The best way, I think, to help your kids navigate the online world is to stay involved.  Here are some things you need to do:

1. Get online yourself.  Set up a Facebook account.  Figure out how it works.  Friend your kids–yes, friend them and don’t let them block you.  Do not, however, post things about what your kids post publicly.  That’s just mean.  If you have a problem with something, talk to them about it.

2. Keep the computer in a public place and check in with your kids while they’re online.  Stand over them and ask, “So, what are you looking at?”  Ask lots of questions about what they’re doing or have been doing online.  Do it in a way to show interest–your kids will find some funny and interesting things that you will never find–but also have a critical eye about what they’re viewing and think about whether it’s appropriate.

3. Talk to your kids about appropriate behavior online.  We started with not posting personal information like address and phone number.  Now we’re talking about posting things that might get them in trouble when applying to college or a job.

4. Limit the amount of time your kid spends online.  This is the hardest for us.  Since we both work online and play online, we blur the distinction.  Our kids can’t tell if we’re working or playing while we’re on the computer and we’re on pretty constantly.  The same is becoming true of our teenager.  He had to make a video for class and a lot of his assignments are posted online.  As a typical teenager, he multitasks, switching between Facebook, YouTube and his schoolwork.  We’re just beginning to talk to him about limiting the multitasking.

The site mentioned in the NY Times article, Common Sense Media, is a good one and one I’ve mentioned to parents and teachers.  There, you can find out trends and if your teens or kids aren’t forthcoming about what’s happening online, can give you some material to work with when asking questions.  They also offer programs and curriculum for schools, which some schools are adopting.  It’s a very good idea.

Even with all of the checking up and checking in, your kids will do things you don’t know about.  Geeky Boy uses the IM feature in Facebook more than anything.  I have no access to those messages.  He also texts a lot on his phone.  Again, I don’t see those.  But I ask about them.  Over spring break, his phone kept buzzing and  he kept texting and I asked, “Who are you texting?” And thus, found out about the girlfriend.  We have rules, which he’s been mostly good about following.  The phone cannot be out during family interactions–at the dinner table, during a family outing, etc.  It has to stay in the office during the evening (to avoid middle of the night texting).  And it will get taken away if his grades fall.  Yes, it’s a brave new world, but it seems better to me than some of the things I did as a teen, most of which involved being in places where my parents had no way of contacting me if they even knew where I was.

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Last night, I got into my pjs early, snuggled into bed and watched Frontline’s Digital Nation.  It’s a follow-up of sorts to their Growing Up Online, which I wrote about when it came out and got some response from at least one teacher featured in the show.

Growing Up Online came out 2 years ago.  I was in a different place then.  We all were.  There are many aspects of the Internet I’m hugely enthusiastic about, but I’m starting to have reservations about things like multi-tasking and the amount of time we spend online.  I could sympathize with Rachel Dretzin, who says at the beginning, that she felt uneasy when she realized that while her whole family was in the same room together, each person was on a screen, separately doing their own thing.  That describes our house on most days, and some days, it feels like coziness and togetherness, and others it feels like we’re all living separate lives.  In my former job (and sometimes in my current work), I felt the need to be overly enthusiastic, just to get past the naysayers, whom I still think are ignoring some of the great things about the online world.  Now, I’m feeling more skeptical.  I’m more careful and thoughtful about the amount of time I spend online and what I’m doing there, and I use that same critical eye when I’m working with people to use technology effectively.

I could not have taught my class without the Internet.  And not just because the Internet is a tool teachers can use effectively in their teaching, but because I used it extensively to actually build the class.  I was able to find similar classes online, tap into my Twitter network to ask for suggestions for things, search Google, Diigo, and Delicious for appropriate tools and material.  If I’d been teaching it pre-Internet, I’d have a boring textbook and the class would be much less information packed and much less vibrant than it currently is.  That would be a loss.  But the Internet also enables my students to be on Facebook and email while I’m teaching, only loosely paying attention sometimes.  I’m torn about “disallowing” that.  It’s kind of impossible in a computer lab.  Mostly I try to engage them, ask them questions.

There was some discussion of that in the show, of needing to reach students where they are, but also of students believing that they’re successful, not just in spite of their multi-tasking, but because of it.  Some early research suggests that they’re completely wrong.  Part of my exhaustion this week, has been because I’ve actually mostly been focused on one thing at a time, spending an hour or two doing one thing, then shifting to something else.  I think I’m out of practice.

There was also a fair amount done with video games.  And the show displayed both the good and bad things about video games.  They showed a kid that was “addicted” to gaming, and also groups of friends who were getting together in real life, but who’d known each other for years via World of Warcraft (more on that in the WoW Wednesday post).  I’m on the fence about this one.  As I said in an earlier post about this topic, my son and I especially are online playing games quite a bit.  I would say that he can play up to 3 or 4 hours a day.  We’re not very consistent about our limits, though when grades drop, we get pretty strict.  Part of me feels anxious about this.  On the one hand, I know that the complexity of the game makes it hard just to spend an hour playing.  On the other hand, I think Geeky Boy should expand his horizons.  Unlike some of the kids in the show, though, he’s still an avid reader and plays sports, but doesn’t do that many other things.  Sometimes, I think it’s easier for us to just sit in front of the computer rather than find something else to do.  And that worries me.

Because of the Internet, though, I think I read more than I did before.  I’m probably reading fewer books, but I’m reading more articles from a wider variety of sources than I did before.  I used to work my way through the Chronicle, and over the years, have subscribed to a few mainstream news magazines, but I’ve never subscribed to a newspaper, mostly because I found most of it didn’t interest me.  Now, I read the Inquirer, the New York Times, and many others, as articles of interest find their way to me through various means.  I listen to podcasts from NPR, the Economist, and other sources while I work out, expanding what I listen to.  I watch much less tv, focusing on what I want to watch, sometimes downloading those things from the Internet.  That seems to me a good thing.

In the end, I think the show raised some really interesting points.  And I’ve been thinking about those points for a while.  Are we too disconnected from each other despite our constant connection?  Are we losing interest in a variety of things because we would prefer to be online?  Or can we create connection and create new interests through online worlds?  How much time online is too much time?  Does it depend on what you’re doing?  I honestly don’t know the answers to any of these questions.  I’m grateful for the Internet.  I can honestly say it has mostly changed my life in positive ways.  But I can also say that it has made me feel less than positive, about what I’m doing online, about the time I spend there, or because of interactions I’ve had there.  Maybe, it’s just like real life, which isn’t always positive either.

27. February 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: ,

Partial map of the Internet based on the Janua...Image via Wikipedia

This week, an article in the Daily Mail featured Lady Susan Greenfield telling us that the Internet is not good for us. Good grief. Ars Technica, among others, point out that neither the article nor Greenfield point to any real research supporting her claims. If the Internet is making us stupid, then who are these people who recognize a lack of data to support claims?

There has been some research on this topic, which has been inconclusive. The concern is that kids/teenagers who are online or in front of screens too much and not interacting with people face-to-face might be losing valuable social skills. They might, for example, be losing the ability to read facial expressions and body language, both of which help people to communicate effectively. Fair enough. But that’s not the Internet’s fault. That’s a result of the kid not being encouraged to balance their screen time with other activities. I’m loath to completely blame parents here, but obviously, that’s one place to look. On the other hand, the research shows that older people can benefit from being online by creating new neural pathways, thus learning new things.

The Daily Mail article and Greenfield never actually say that the Internet is bad, but that it can change or may change the way we think. I’ve seen so many articles about various technologies that always assume change is bad. Change is neutral. It’s what we do with it that’s good or bad.

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16. January 2009 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , ,

I’ve been thinking about this in a number of contexts over the last week. As I’ve moved away from an institutional job, my online life increasingly *is* my life. I work with people all over the country and meet with them via skype, in second life, or just back and forth via a Google doc. The people I interact with online are mostly people I’ve met in real life at conferences or other events. They are people I turn to for ideas, advice, and support. In my physical space, I haven’t yet found the rich support network I have online. I do have friends and former colleagues that I meet up with periodically (some of whom are also part of my online network), but it’s harder to find these people; there are fewer opportunities to “meet” in physical space. I’m working on finding and/or creating these opportunities, but it’s a slow process.

The reality and to some extent, the physicality, of online life hit home for us this week. Geeky Boy suspected that one of his online friends, someone he’d been gaming with for over 4 years, was about to commit suicide. He reported this to Mr. Geeky, who began trying to track down the kid. All we had to go on was a name and a state. Ideally, he might have contacted the parents, but he couldn’t, so he ended up calling the police. Meanwhile, GB was texting his friend and getting no response, which naturally had him worried. The police took the whole thing seriously and did indeed track down GB’s friend, almost simultaneously with the friend finally contacting GB. We’re glad that GB didn’t brush off the incident as some random kid he knew online and took the situation as seriously as he would for a friend he knew in person. The whole situation is an indication, perhaps, that many kids will form lasting and real friendships online. I have hope that the building of these relationships will make the online world more hospitable as people eliminate the distinction between relationships that are “real” and those that are online.

Last night, I watched Frontline’s Growing Up Online. It made some attempt to be balanced by having researchers make some positive comments about the Internet, but it only showed negative examples–a boy who commits suicide, a girl who finds forums for anorexics, another who posts risque pictures of herself, etc. I had to pause the show a lot in order to yell at the tv. First, I was shocked by how many parents had no clue. They hadn’t bothered to learn email or word processing much less MySpace or Facebook. To them I say, figure it out. Set up an account. You don’t have to use it all the time or at all, but you need to know what it is your kids are doing. I was also surprised by how many parents let their kids have computers in their rooms at a young age. Maybe by mid high school, a computer in the room is okay, but I still think having it in a common area is a better idea. But still, parents shouldn’t try to be nosy–respect your kids’ privacy. Don’t lean over their shoulder every five minutes.

The worst parent was the woman who was the PTO president. She educated herself alright, by buying into the media hype about online predators. Then, when her son went to a concert among several hundred teenagers who were drinking and video-taped and photographed themselves doing so, she emailed all the other parents. As she said, about 50% of the parents thanked her for pointing out the material that had been posted online. Those parents were the clueless ones. The other 50% said either, “Mind your own business” or “What are you? Naive? This stuff happens all the time.” After that, her son wouldn’t talk to her, wouldn’t tell her anything that was going on. In essence, she’d turned something private–an issue she had with her son–into something public, by emailing all the other parents. Ironic, I’d say. I was with the son. One commenter on the Frontline site said they thought she was doing a good job. However, I thought snooping and asking for passwords was the wrong way about it. She should have just talked to her kids. There’s really not a need to pry unless you suspect something bad is happening. If you’re talking to your kids regularly, you should know when something might be going on. She never said she suspected her kids of anything. She just figured they were doing bad things because the media told her so.

The discussion on the Frontline website goes back and forth about kids’ rights to privacy or not, with some saying that they have no rights and others asserting that they do. I fall decidedly on the side of kids having a right to privacy. And hello, if your concern is what your kids are doing in public, then Google them, or search for them on Facebook or MySpace. That’s public. And if you find something you don’t like, talk to them about it. The suggestion many make about taking away the cell phone or the computer won’t work. They’ll use the library computer or their friends’ computers. And then you’ll settle into the false idea that your kids aren’t online.

There was also a little bit on education and technology, with one teacher shunning technology altogether. I was rolling my eyes at her. On the other hand, I didn’t appreciate the technophile saying he need to be an entertainer. If you’re just using technology to entertain kids, you’re doing it wrong.

All in all, I didn’t think there were enough positive examples. Where are the kids who are doing creative things online? Who feel disconnected, but find good friendships online? Who use their online world to help them work through problems constructively? I think there are plenty of these. We just don’t hear about them because parents aren’t going to call the news show and say, hey, my son created a cool movie online.

I do think it’s important to understand that bad things can happen online (just like the real world)–cyberbullying, even online solicitation–and that parents should talk to their kids about their online life. We have talked to our kids, 8 and 12, about being online, about not giving out personal information. We limit their time online. When they’re online, we ask what they’re doing, who they’re talking to. Most of the time, even when playing online games, they’re playing with kids who live down the street. When I was 12, I was on the phone all the time. My son is chatting through Runescape, mostly with people he knows. He’s also already participated in a boycott online when they changed the game because of a few griefers. For now, I feel his online activity is positive. And I hope that will continue. Perhaps because both Mr. Geeky and I have online lives and we talk about the pros and cons all the time, our kids understand that being in the public eye means being responsible. That’s a message that didn’t get through in the Frontline piece last night. There really wasn’t a middle ground. It was almost like the piece showed these kids as if they were part of another culture that we’d found on a remote island and everything they did was mysterious and odd and needed to be squelched and brought in line. We need to remember: they are us.

26. December 2007 · Write a comment · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , , , ,

There’s a post this morning about how some people are complaining that Google Reader’s new feature where your shared items are shared with your contacts violates their privacy. Robert Scoble says that Google needs more granular privacy controls a la Facebook. I vote with his first response, that people need clarification on what public means.

I’ve written about this before, from the standpoint of being aware that future employers are increasingly eyeing a future employee’s online presence. Increasingly, I think, if you’re using social software, nothing is private. Search, even, is not private. Sure, there are ways to change settings so that your searches aren’t cached, your blogs aren’t pinging services, etc., but most people don’t change the defaults, so they’re just out there. And that’s okay. People just need to understand up front what it means to have so much of their online activity shared. And maybe being more open–online or elsewhere–is a good thing. Maybe it makes us more accountable for our actions. Sure, there are still some parts of our lives and our thoughts that are private, but mostly those parts aren’t being put online and if they are, I’d argue that either a) someone doesn’t understand how public the online space is; or b) they want people to know about those parts. Healthy skepticism is good, but paranoia leads us down a bad path.

I’m in the airport, waiting for a flight to Denver. By the time you read this, of course, I’ll be in Denver. Because I can’t access the Internet in the air and I have to pay an outrageous amount for it in the airport. I used Google Gears to download my feeds, which is mostly useful since most of my feeds are full feeds. But if I want to hop on for 15 minutes to download some things to read on my 4-hour flight, I can’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could pay by the minute or something? The pricing structures for most airports/hotels/etc. are daily rates, usually around 10 bucks for 24 hours. I’m usually in an airport for less than an hour so it doesn’t make sense to pay for a full day. And it’s much more efficient to download some items to read offline than to read everything online. We used to do that in the days of dialup, but now not so much. Wireless and broadband are ubiquitous and mostly inexpensive (as a subscriber) so we just stay online all the time. But there are still these situations where momentary access would be useful. And honestly, in some cases, it might save money, energy and time.

Oh, I know I could have one of those wireless cards offered by the telecoms, but they’re pretty pricey too. Most don’t have a “pay-as-you-go” feature and require you to sign up for a plan at around $30/month. Considering I’m not in this situation that often, it doesn’t make sense to pay for something I’d use 2-3 times a year. Most of these products are geared toward the frequent traveler or business person not the casual user. It’s a shame. They’re missing out on a few bucks from me and I’m looking around at several hundred people who would probably have chipped in a buck or two to do a quick email check or check the weather at their destination. If you want to go in on a business plan with me, call. No email, of course cause I’m off the grid.