Happy Birthday Mr. Geeky

I don’t know if this will get posted in time since my blog is blocked. Totally annoying!

But, today is Mr. Geeky’s Birthday. Unfortunately, he’s out of town today doing robotics stuff in the same city as jo(e). But he’ll be back tomorrow and we can celebrate then. As he said the other day when we were discussing our ages (my birthday is in two weeks), “I don’t like the direction is going.” Indeed, but at least we’re going in the same direction.

It’s all relative

With the upcoming holidays, I’ve been thinking about relatives. I have quite a few of them, especially since my parents divorced, giving me two sets plus inlaws to contend with. All my relatives live far away, the nearest being ten hours away. I see my dad and stepmother quite frequently since they are willing to meet us halfway. I don’t see as much of my inlaws. And they are a very close family and I think they see our not visiting as odd somehow. Doesn’t everyone want to be around 30 people at holiday time? Well, no. Not really.

Mr. Geeky is the only sibling to have moved away. The other two are still there. Single sister-in-law I really like and wish I could see more often. I also like my father-in-law. My brother-in-law is fine, but his wife drives me crazy and they now have 4 kids under the age of three. It’s going to be a hard holiday season for them since my mother-in-law died in the spring. Everything is going to be different, but they have a large close family and good traditions. Except not this year. For Thanksgiving, bil and his wife have decided to have a separate celebration and didn’t invite fil or ssil. A cousin, who traditionally has Thanksgiving at her house, is still having that celebration, but bil and his wife and 4 kids won’t be there. Christmas will be worse. The immediate family used go to the grandparents house in the morning and an aunt’s house in the afternoon. Since the remaining grandparent is in a nursing home, the morning event is no more and the bil and his wife are having Christmas dinner (inviting the whole family this time). Ssil thinks this is too much change all at once and feels like the bil (but mostly his wife) is grandstanding.

This kind of stuff was par for the course in my family when I was growing up. Thanksgiving and Christmas plans changed year after year. Sometimes we went places. Sometimes people came to us. Most of the time, it was just me, my sister, and my parents. And that’s how it is most of the time for us now too. Thanksgiving and Christmas have become for us a time to reconnect with our immediate family without the hassles of everyday life. We have our own traditions now and my kids (especially Geeky Boy) say they prefers my food to anyone else’s. I know the various families want to see us, but I’d prefer to see them some other time when there isn’t so much craziness with the holidays. Plus, our kids don’t get a huge amount of time off at either holiday and since we have so far to travel, it’s difficult.

As I was talking to ssil about the holidays and she was describing the soap opera-like negotiations, I said “All the more reason for me not to come.” And she said, “All the more reason to come. I need support.” I suggested she come here. Maybe she and fil. I’d be happy to host relatives even though I don’t have a huge house or a dining room table that seats 12. We can sit on the couch with paper plates for all I care. And ssil thought about it and she thought getting out of the fray might be a good idea.

My mornings are shot

I had been working on the diss for an hour every morning. This still happens, but only about twice a week. I’ve shifted my work to the evening, which works, but my brain is sometimes a little mushy after a full day at work.

The main reason for the lack of morning work? My children. They’re killing me. For the first month of school, Geeky Boy hopped out of bed at 6, took a shower and got himself ready. But about a month in, the newness had worn off and he was staying up too late, not hearing his alarm go off. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem if when I went to wake him up at 6, when I got up, he actually got up. Most of the time he goes back to sleep. And so I have to march upstairs at least once and sometimes two or three times to rouse him. These interruptions are not conducive to focused work, as one might imagine.

I have to admit that I’m a bit angry about this. I remember when I was in middle school. I woke myself up with an alarm clock. My mother used to check to make sure I was awake, which after a while, pissed me off because I could take care of myself, dammit. Part of me thinks that Geeky Boy should be the same way. But here’s the sucky thing. I’ve thought, well, I’ll just wake him once, and if he goes back to sleep, that’s his problem. But it’s not his problem, entirely. It will be looked at as my problem, too. If he’s late to school, the onus is on the parent to provide an excuse. How bad does it look to say, “My son was late because he wouldn’t wake up”? People will be thinking, “Lady, why didn’t you wake him up?” Sigh. This is the trap of parenting. You try to give your kids some independence and rather than doing things for them all the time, you give them greater and greater responsibility, but then you’re up against the parents who do do stuff for their kids and there’s just no comparison. Up until this year, there were always kids whose parents “helped” with their kid’s homework. Kids who did their own homework just couldn’t compete.

I’m also angry, of course, because this is eating into my (very limited) work time. I estimate that I’ve got about 2 weeks of work left before finishing this chapter. Every morning I don’t work adds a day, perhaps, to my time. Gah. It occurs to me that maybe I should just tell Geeky Boy that. It’s obvious he doesn’t understand how his behavior affects those around him. I wouldn’t mind waking him up if I didn’t have something to do. It might bother me a bit, but it wouldn’t make me angry. Helping your kid grow up is hard.