In the 9 years I’ve been writing in this blog, I have not once written about Valentine’s Day. Most years, there was no post at all on the 14th, but even when there was, it was just about stuff, not about the day itself. We don’t really do Valentine’s. Our first Valentine’s together, Mr. Geeky got me a gas cap, because I needed one. We went through a phase of buying appliances on Valentine’s, and often there is candy and/or chocolate. We’ve spent Valentine’s at McDonald’s. Usually, we’re just hanging out at home. Today we ended up with way too much chocolate. I got some for me, Mr. Geeky and Geeky Girl. He got some for me, him, and Geeky Girl. So, yeah. Too much. I got roses for Mr. Geeky. Just because.
The original Valentine’s as a national holiday was an anti-war thing. We’re a long way from that, for sure. I’m not opposed to using a day to express one’s love for their partner, but too often, it’s just a reinforcement of heteronormative relationships and norms, and not about love in general. But I think we’re working on it. I heard on the radio both a show about how living alone is a good thing, and a poignant story about a gay couple who’d been together for 37 years.
While Mr. Geeky and I are pretty much the epitome of a heteronormative couple, we both tend to bristle a bit at the box people try to put us in. We really did consider not getting married and just living together forever, but it seemed like a crazy thing to do. We experienced housing discrimination because we weren’t married. Our parents had various negative reactions, from not letting us stay in the same room to freaking out over the idea of us having children “out of wedlock”. We’ve seen other things like this in our lives. Gay couples who can’t get married, really, though we attended our first gay wedding more than 20 years ago. I’ve been refused service when in a restaurant with a black man. I think Valentine’s sometimes reminds me of the many ways our country (our world?) still thinks everything has to be a certain way and that if it’s not, that’s an aberration and unlawful and should be punished. I do think we’re getting past that, little by little, but the fact that I (a plain old white heterosexual woman) have experienced a handful of discriminatory experiences, makes me feel like we have a ways to go.
So, yeah, Valentine’s isn’t all that for us.