Getting in my own way

I am notorious for undermining myself.  I second guess.  I compromise too soon.  I don’t take the risk I should.  I hold my idea in because it might freak someone out.  Or piss someone off.  Or might not be right.* One reason I even have this blog is so I can throw some stuff out there before I take it elsewhere.  Which is funny, because this is public and some of my students and colleagues read this, but still, I feel freer to think through ideas here for some reason.

Anyway, there are many days where I feel like I suck at what I do, but I know that’s not true.  I know that I am often good at what I do, that I’m sometimes even great at what I do.  And I know that I’m always trying to get better, trying to learn more.  Part of why I often feel bad at my job is that I never stay in the same place.  I’m always looking for new material, new ways to do things, and I am willing to try something, even when I don’t know exactly what I’m doing.

I need to remember that, and I need to embrace risk more and put my ideas out there more and remember why I love education so much, and love CS so much.  Every day, it feels new and different.  And that is scary.  It’s like the ride up to the top of an incline on a roller coaster, knowing the super fast dip is coming.  Your stomach will reel.  Your heart will pound.  But it will be exhilarating.

 

 

*The very things I don’t want my students to do.

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