Own it

I’m trying to wrap my head around all that I have going on, mostly at work. It’s all good. It’s all important, and yet, I feel like I’m barely keeping the balls in the air. And I have this nagging sense that I’m not up to the task. Those balls are going to drop. I’m having a hard time owning the authority, the expertise I have. This is a familiar feeling. I had it when working on my Ph.D. There’s a little imposter syndrome in there, but there’s also fear of failure, fear of angering people, fear of making the wrong decision.

I keep telling myself to own it. To just do what I think is right, work as hard as I can, and own whatever happens. But I’m struggling a bit. Am I working hard enough? Is there something i could do better? what can i delegate? Calgon, take me away, is sounding better and better.

7 Replies to “Own it”

  1. Does imposter syndrome every really go away? I don’t even know what to say…..when I think of you, I think about the many strong things I’ve seen you write about over time: new directions academically, professionally, parentingly (is that even a word?). You’re so competent and smart and thoughtful and I learn so much reading your posts and interacting with you and other commenters over time. And I like the way bloggers share the messy reality of their lives–so yeah, I can see the complications and the too-long to-do lists and whatnot and it’s easy to see how that could add up to feelings of inadequacy.

    So I hope you find your Calgon moments…but I also hope you find ways to see how strong you are amidst all the mess.

  2. Susan, thank you for that. I wasn’t even looking for it. I think we all tend to feel our burden is harder to bear than others. And I’m starting to think that, no, imposter syndrome never goes away. I do feel confident in much of what I do, but I also recognize that I’m human and prone to error. And my perception is that I feel that more than others.

  3. Do what you think is right, work as hard as you can, and own whatever happens: only women would worry that this is not enough. It is enough, it is good, and you will leave the world better than you found it. I know this.

  4. I came in to offer you some support, but ended up getting so much comfort from Leslie and Susan’s comments, so I’ll just say a big YES to everything they said, and add my own commiseration and sympathy here–I could have written everything you’ve written here, and sometimes, you just feel so swamped, and it’s tough to swim your way out of it.

  5. That’s a good point to think about in today’s world, does imposter syndrome really go away? Who does it really affect more? Most people deal with things in there own way, or the best way they know how to. As long as you believe in your self then you can do whatever you put your mind to. Yes things may get rocky but at the end of the day you have conquer what you felt like was a obstacle to you as a person. That comment means a lot to me. I think I’m going to hang that on my refrigerator.

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