Let’s move on to other important issues, shall we? Like weight. I am once again frustrated by my having a few extra pounds. The sad thing is my frustration stems from pure vanity. I no longer have my 20-year old metabolism and therefore, no longer have my 20-year old body. I consoled myself by sitting down with a bag of Fritos and french onion dip. Aside from that occasional treat, my eating habits are pretty good. And I don’t think there’d be much to gain just from my cutting a few calories here and there. Plus, I really like food, and having to count every bit of it depresses me. But I’m not countering those extra calories with the extra exercise.
I’m just a few days away from the 60-mile walk, which for me was supposed to achieve two goals. One, it was supposed to contribute to a cause and connect me with my late stepmother. That goal was mostly achieved, except I do wish my stepmother could have made it to this day. But two, I thought that having a higher goal like that would motivate me to do more exercise. But no. I’m not entirely sure how well prepared I am for the walk. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was walking 7-8 miles a couple of times a week. But I only managed a 3 mile walk this weekend and I don’t think I’ll have time to walk much more than that before the walk. I find walking to be pleasant enough–even the longish ones–but I am sooo aware that I’m doing it to “exercise” not because there’s scenery I want to see. I’m looking forward to this walk being over because I won’t feel like I *have* to walk or feel guilty if I don’t manage to walk. Which is just a sad sad thing.
Part of me wants to just chalk this up to being 40-something, eat at will, and be done with it. Another part of me wants to not be squeezing into pants and feeling disgusted when I look in the mirror while trying on clothes. And still another part worries that if I do eat at will, and don’t exercise, I’ll end up not 10-15 pounds more heavy than I would like, but more like 30 pounds more heavy. And then, sigh. I think I need to find a hobby that burns some calories but doesn’t feel like exercise. And I can’t do it alone. That’s one thing I’ve realized about walking. I didn’t like doing it by myself. I should have reached out to my teammates more and scheduled walking time. I tried to get the family to join me, but not much luck there. And of course, winter is upon us, so outdoor activities might be limited. Suggestions appreciated. Commiseration welcome.