Yesterday, as I was walking the dog, I started an internal dialogue with myself. I was debating what to spend my time on. Just moments before my walk, I’d been writing, mostly revising, and I hit a section that needed a complete overhaul. And then I glanced down at a page from the previous section and a sentence that needed some major work jumped out at me. And suddenly, the whole project felt daunting. And I wanted to continue working on it, but then, I wanted to paint, and I needed to do laundry, and, and, and. Swirling in my head were various thoughts about money, work, things that pay off and things that don’t. And by the end, I had put the writing in the things that don’t pay off category. To be fair, I also put laundry in that category.
So I got home and I called Mr. Geeky to have lunch because damn, I needed to get the voices out of my head. He had plans. He offered to cancel and I said, no, that’s okay. Are you sure? Yes, really, it’s okay. So I hung up the phone, stared at my computer screen, and little tears started dripping down my face. Not sobs, just little tears over I didn’t know what. I cursed the hormones that likely caused this downswing in mood and started contemplating going to Starbucks to write, damnit. Then I sighed, because the voices started up again about how that would be a waste of time. And then the phone rang. It was Mr. Geeky, saying he’d cancelled his lunch plans because his wife sounded sad.
And then we had Thai food and writing went back into the things that might pay off category and right after lunch, a job prospect called me back. And so the world became somewhat right again.