A final reason for our reluctance to ask for help, I think, is the feeling that we made this bed, so it is ours to lie in. We chose to have these children, or marry the less than egalitarian spouse, or be a mother and hold down a full-time job, or leave a the paid workforce to take on more of the load at home.
I was feeling pretty bad this last week when I couldn’t keep up with both the house and the work, especially since most of the work I was doing I wasn’t getting paid for. I was in this bind of, “I’m not bringing in cash so I should contribute more on the household front, but I don’t have the time, but if I do the housework, I can’t get the business going, but . . .” And I *chose* this course of action, of quitting a regular paying job for this crazy life, so I was thinking I couldn’t ask for help. And I know plenty of women, myself included, who just assume that they’ve married these enlightened men and the men will just figure it out. Well, I can tell you, Mr. Geeky is quite enlightened and there’s quite a bit he’s figured out all by himself, but I still have to ask him to do laundry. And I have to let go of being mad that I have to ask. Because no one’s a mind reader. He has no idea that while I’m working on a project, in the back of my mind is the nagging thought that Geeky Boy might not have any more clean underwear. Now I think men could ask more often if there’s anything they could do to help, but you know, I’m not gonna wait around anymore for that to happen. And maybe, if I ask for help more often, my husband and kids will start to ask.