This may seem like an obvious statement coming from a mom, but it’s not something I say out loud that often, except to Mr. Geeky. I tell my kids I love them all the time too. But not anyone else. It’s like it’s our little secret, the love we have. A friend once told me I was the most unsentimental mom she’d ever met. And that’s true. When my mother in law gave me a sappy poem about how quickly childhood passes, I didn’t bat an eye. I generally don’t fall in for that sappy sentimental stuff. No, it’s the every day stuff that gets me.
It’s the way Geeky Boy plays video games with me and suggests strategies that “play to my strengths.” (Yes, he really said that.) It’s the way Geeky Girl volunteers to scrub the walls and complains about not having enough boy Barbies to play Star Wars. It’s when I watch Geeky Boy go out the door for a museum trip dangling his camera from his wrist. It’s when I’m standing in the grocery store debating whether I really should buy another bag of chocolate chips and thinking about how Geeky Girl explained she wanted to make the round ones this time.
I don’t get all choked up at the times when I’m supposed to–when they go off to school for the first time or score their first goal in soccer. Something catches me off guard–a word, a smirk, a cock of the head–and suddenly I realize how fleeting this is and I want to remember it forever. Some moms would, at such moments, rush over and hug their offspring and gush over them. I don’t. That’s just not who I am. Instead, I smile. I choke back the tears and just continue on, comforted by the knowledge that other such moments will come if I’m willing to watch for them.
No, I’m not channeling W. I’m feeling very tired. For no good reason. Yes, I’ve been working on my proposal and doing a little grading and a little tidying up. But I’ve mostly been lying around on the couch. I haven’t been exercising. I’m thinking about doing that today or tomorrow. I’m really not looking forward to going back to work. It’s not that I don’t want to work. It’s just that I don’t like the idea of going to a specific place and doing “work” for a certain amount of time. It has been blissful to be able to work for a couple of hours and take breaks. I may have to institute this same kind of working method at work.
In looking ahead at all the things I want to do over the next semester, I’m wondering how I’m going to fit it all in. I want to exercise regularly, write the dissertation, and of course, maintain my regular life. I’m not sure I can do it all. I’ve been thinking about the best schedule for dissertating since I have to fit it in around work. I’m thinking I might be able to do some time early in the morning now that it’s getting lighter. I think I will have to try it and see if it works. I feel a little like the Little Engine That Could. I keep telling myself, “I think I can. I think I can.” And then I just have to do it. If I think about it too much, I get overwhelmed. I have thoughts like, “I know someone’s out there doing this better.” But then I have to remind myself that that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I do it.
Tomorrow, I planning a no screens day. I might even extend that to Sunday. I may spend a little time writing on the proposal, but otherwise, I’m not going to look at a screen. I may have to go buy a book. I’ve read all the ones around here.
I leave you for the weekend with my resolutions:
1. Finish the dissertation
2. Finish the dissertation
3. Have fun.
Kind of simple this year.
For an hour or two, I wrote things in my head–this post, my proposal, my annual review, a proposal I’m working on for work. Then I thought about things I need to do and how I need a better off loading system. Do I remember any of it? No.
Thank FSM for coffee. I’m going to need a gallon or two. I’m hoping to continue the good working spree. Yay! That way I can kick back and enjoy the weekend.
We ventured out of the house today. Shocking, but true. Everything was actually fairly quiet. We had breakfast out, got some necessities, including food and drink, and then back home again. We’re planning another excursion later in the day. I think that’s one thing I like about the holidays–not having to go anywhere if you don’t want to. I have tea on, planning to tackle more projects, all around relaxing.
Well, the house is still a mess, but I’ve managed to get some work done. I wrote another paragraph or two on the proposal. I edited an essay. I checked work email (almost all junk). I graded two portfolios (two a day and I’m done!). I am about to embark on a new writing project and I need to work on a presentation and make some hotel reservations (these last two on the agenda for tomorrow). Life just doesn’t slow down, does it. I’m planning to reward myself with a bath.
Geeky Boy woke at 5:00 a.m. with a fever and saying, “I think I’m going to throw up.” Not something you want to hear at 5 a.m. Mr. Geeky dutifully tended to him and then set him up on the couch with a trashcan and a cold washrag (a cold-hot, as we call it). Right now he’s lying on the couch watching his new Mythbusters video. I hope he’s better soon so he can continue to enjoy his vacation.
Later, I may begin shovelling out the living room. It really is a fright.
I’ve finally gotten the pictures up. Here’s us at Christmas Eve dinner. The kids dressed up of their own accord after they saw the table set. It was pretty cute. I think we had just enough food this year, not much left over. It was all pretty simple–peas, mashed potatoes, rice, and ham. Maybe next year, I’ll go for something fancier. Or maybe for New Year’s Eve.