Geeky Mom

So I’m feeling a little better, but thought it best to stay home. Feeling faint and nauseous at work is not good.

Since my comments are not showing up, but I can see them at haloscan, I wanted to thank everyone for their well wishes. And delegar, especially thanks to you for the advice. I’m supposed to go to my doctor next week anyway to check on my thyroid hormone levels. I haven’t missed any doses, because I feel so much better when I’m taking it. So it’s odd.

Anyway, I’ve been sitting here reading through my many journals and chuckling. I had one where I wrote a big long story about a relationship I was in in college. It was a sorted story where there was a guy who was in love with my roommate, but then I fell in love with him, but had to keep it to myself. So I had this whole lead-up about the friendship developed as a result of this crush he had on my roommate. I sat and listened to him talk about Greek poetry and the Big Bang Theory (what a perfect combo ) and my roommate was bored. We’d be up for hours, lounging on the shag carpet in my dorm. My roommate would fall asleep and we’d still be there talking away. And, of course, we ended up together, but just before the big moment of our realization that we were meant to be together, I quit writing the story. I left myself hanging. Of course, I know what happened because it was my life, but it was funny reading what I wrote then. Very funny.

I think I have to put some of this stuff verbatim into the blog–or start another blog. I could put in the dates and everything. Just what I need: another blog.

I came home from work sick today. I have no idea what’s wrong. I think it has something to do with the interaction between birth control and synthroid and perhaps also lack of sleep (though I don’t consider 7 hours a lack). I hate, hate these vague symptoms. I feel tired, nauseous and faint. Oh, and I get goosebumps. It comes and goes, thus the post earlier today. If it’s still around tomorrow after a good night’s sleep, I’ll be calling my endocrinologist.

If you’ve ever had cancer or been close to having cancer, these vague symptoms are worrisome. Has the cancer spread? Has it infected my lymph nodes? Is it just a matter of medication dosage? The body you once knew becomes mysterious. So emotional stress adds to the physical symptoms.

The kids–including an extra one–are playing a board game right outside my office door. I’m drowning them out with headphones (Rufus, again). There’s nowhere else for them to go. I’m contemplating a bath. Don’t know if writing will happen tonight. I want to, but depending on when the kids go to be, I’m not sure how late I can stay up. We’ll see. I’m also having trouble in the upright position.

In today’s Inquirer is the oddest editorial I can imagine. The author, David Saxe, a professor of education at Penn State, argues that this resolution is a good thing, mainly because he takes the whole idea of academic freedom as it is expressed in the resolution at face value. He believes that the resolution promotes academic freedom in its most positive sense. I think his editorial makes clear that that isn’t true and that the true intent is to increase conservative views in the classroom. Here’s one of the more puzzling quotes, a conflation to some extent of affirmative action and equal employment opportunity with academic freedom:

For proponents of HR 177, nearly all Republicans, the notion of government oversight on such matters as academic intercourse presents an odd turn of events. Was it not so long ago that academia was devoid of minority voices? Have we forgotten that females and black males were virtually closed out of the highest ranks of higher education as professors and administrators?

And who shouted the loudest for diversity? For affirmative action in higher education to ensure a “level playing field”? To break down the so-called racist and sexist barriers that barred minorities from their rightful place within academia? Was this not the great contribution of Democrats?

And the barriers fell. And then they fell some more. With the great influx of minorities and women into higher education came all sorts of new ideas. The fight to break the barriers to attain faculty positions and promotions became synonymous with fighting for rights per se – for women to fight for women’s studies departments, for blacks to fight for African American departments, for homosexuals to fight for same-sex partner benefits.

As these birds of a feather flocked together, they fought and fought. And from so much fighting, they eventually realized they did not have to fight so much anymore. There was less and less resistance to what would have astonished faculty of another generation.

I honestly don’t see what this has to do with the idea of academic freedom as I understand it. From the AAUP’s statement on academic freedom:

1. Teachers are entitled to full freedom in research and in the publication of the results, subject to the adequate performance of their other academic duties; but research for pecuniary return should be based upon an understanding with the authorities of the institution.

2. Teachers are entitled to freedom in the classroom in discussing their subject, but they should be careful not to introduce into their teaching controversial matter which has no relation to their subject.^[2] Limitations of academic freedom because of religious or other aims of the institution should be clearly stated in writing at the time of the appointment.^[3]

3. College and university teachers are citizens, members of a learned profession, and officers of an educational institution. When they speak or write as citizens, they should be free from institutional censorship or discipline, but their special position in the community imposes special obligations. As scholars and educational officers, they should remember that the public may judge their profession and their institution by their utterances. Hence they should at all times be accurate, should exercise appropriate restraint, should show respect for the opinions of others, and should make every effort to indicate that they are not speaking for the institution.^[4]
   

Seriously, the logic of the argument is lost on me, except as it relates to Horowitz’s idea of academic freedom, meaning there need to be more conservative voices on campus. In an article in the Chronicle, Horowitz states that the purpose of the academic bill of rights is to “to emphasize the value of “intellectual diversity,” already implicit in the concept of academic freedom; and, most important, to enumerate the rights of students to not be indoctrinated or otherwise assaulted by political propagandists in the classroom or any educational setting.” I don’t think “intellectual diversity” is implicit in the statements above. Faculty are warned not to introduce controversial topics not related to their topic. For example, as a literature teacher discussing an 18th century novel, I probably shouldn’t discuss abortion rights unless there’s something about that in a book. The AAUP statement says nothing about colleges’ needing to check the views of professors in their hiring process or institute some kind of affirmative action for conservatives, which is the impression I get both from Horowitz and Saxe. And the author of the editorial is right that having more women and minorities on campus did bring in new ideas and new ways of looking at old things, but that has little to do with academic freedom insofar as these faculty have the same rights to speak freely as their white and male counterparts do.

Horowitz also states in that article that:

Although the AAUP has recognized student rights since its inception, however, most campuses have rarely given them the attention or support they deserve. In fact, it is safe to say that no college or university now adequately defends them.

This is so blatantly untrue as to be silly. Our campus, for example, has a host of deans whose entire jobs are to advocate for students. In addition, there is a student-run government who regulary meet with top administrative staff to have their voices heard. We also have an honor council and numerous other student organizations who may advocate for specific student issues. If anything, I’d say the rights of students have increased over the years and that they often feel entitled to those rights from day one. I think our situation is not atypical.

The AAUP did issue a statement about HR 177, which I found via the Social Science Research Council. They believe that the general concerns expressed by the resolution are important ones, but not ones that should be dealt with by legislators, who have political ties that may cloud their judgement. And let me point out the following, found in the Wikipedia:

A prominent feature of the English university concept is the freedom to appoint faculty, set standards and admit students. This ideal may be better described as institutional autonomy and is distinct from whatever freedom is granted to students and faculty by the institution. (Kemp, p. 7)

The Supreme Court of the United States said that academic freedom means a university can “determine for itself on academic grounds:

1. who may teach
2. what may be taught
3. how it should be taught, and
4. who may be admitted to study.” (Regents of the University of California v. Bakke, 438 U.S. 265, 312. 1978.) (Standler)

Perhaps we are headed back to the Supreme Court again. I’m disappointed that the Inquirer, whose city is home to one of the biggest state-funded universities in the state, hasn’t published an opposing viewpoint or even a report on this resolution.

Much, much better. As you all suggested, I skipped the difficult part and trudged ahead. Got 4 pages, most of which were new, some taken from bits and pieces I’d written earlier. I stayed up way too late, though, so I’m not writing this morning, the head is foggy. I will write again tonight though. I took a good walk yesterday, which helped clear my head and gave me a little more energy. I think that is key.

As part of my writing last night, I dug out all my old diaries (no suprise there) and read through some of them. Man, was that hilarious. I was completely boy crazy. I mean every entry talks about liking this boy or that boy. Each entry lists at least two boys and sometimes 5 or 6. Sheesh. There’s also a lot about my friends and my struggles with them. In high school, my entries got pretty detailed, but before that, pretty sketchy. And some of the names–no idea. I have a stack of notebooks to go through. I had a tendancy to write for a while in the “official” diary space, but then resort to regular notebooks where I sketched out stories and poems. And I never kept up with a diary for very long, maybe 3 months, with scattered entries after that.

The diaries probably won’t help me that much, but I’m glad I have them. They’re really interesting. Oh, if only I’d had a blog then! I so obviously needed some feedback.

After reading this, I sent a letter to my rep, whom I’ve met, and who is a Democrat. Where are the reasonable people? Bitch, Ph.D., as usual, has good stuff too.

When you drop your daughter off at camp and she bursts into tears. Sigh.

I really have to change that number over there. Though it’s not entirely impossible to get to 500, it’s seeming unlikely. I’m going to leave it though and see where I get. I’ve now set aside time in the evening to write. Now that work is less stressful, I’m able to get my head around writing at night. This will have to change in the fall, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

This morning, I wrote less than a page. I’m struggling with the same damn chapter. I’m going to dig out my old journals tonight to see if that helps me. The problem is not with the ideas themselves but how to organize them into something like a story. I need more specific events, less generalized information.

Today’s a day when I wish I didn’t have a 9-5 job. I could take the kids to camp and spend the day reading and writing. No such luck though.

I could have done some writing this weekend, but no. I think the trouble I’m having with this chapter is causing me to not even want to sit down at the computer in the first place. I have to get over that. Ugh.

Please don’t make fun, but I am officially obsessed with Rufus Wainwright. While listening to him, I ran into a post at Oliver’s asking for music recommendations. Now, usually it’s me asking for the recommendations, but no, here I am evangelizing about Rufus. I now own all of his albums and really want to go to a show. Damn I’m crazy. And Oliver gave me this:

You should go over and help him out. I’m dying to know what the big project is too!

All day yesterday, I couldn’t help thinking what a great life I have. Unfortunately, I often lose sight of that when caught up in the daily trials and tribulations. I have a home that I enjoy in a nice neighborhood where the kids can play in the street. I have a job that I like and hobbies that stimulate me.

Yesterday’s events really brought all that home. I got to hang out in my office in the morning. Toward 10 o’clock, I made scrambled eggs and toast for us. Then I took a shower and made plans for a trip to the grocery store, only to find I’d left my wallet at work. I drove over to work to see if the building was open (no luck, not till today). So I cancelled plans to buy anything and moved it to tomorrow. Instead, I focused on laundry.

We had enough food in the house for me to have a quesadilla and the kids had pb & j. I sat out on the deck and read through a script I have to comment on later tonight in my writer’s group. It was a gorgeous day: sunny, a little breeze, birds chirping, the distant sound of mowers, the smell of fresh-cut grass. I piddled for the rest of the afternoon. A friend of the kids’ from down the street came down and they played store upstairs. Then we all went outside and played bocce ball in the backyard. I cooked out hamburgers and corn. We played another round of bocce and then we all walked over to the local water ice place and got dessert.

How much more charmed can you get? It was downright idyllic. And this morning, the same gorgeous blue sky. I’ve had this Rufus Wainwright song in my head all weekend “11:11″. It has a line in it that I think is great: “I was alive and kicking through this cruel world.” That’s the way I feel.

I’m sitting in my new office! See? We still have to spackle and paint. And I have some adjustments to make since the room is kind of slanty. I haven’t moved everything in yet, but it’s a very nice space. I might turn my desk so it faces the windows, which would leave me a little more wall space for bookshelves. We are also planning to replace the windows, which are pretty crappy. And yes, those curtains cost me 7.99. Woo hoo! I’ll replace those too. It’s very quiet out here. I can’t hear the children at all. They tend to play up in their room and I’m way down here off the living room. And I get to watch people walk by. It’s so awesome! Mr. Geeky is so awesome! If you want to see the step by step progress, click on the photo to see the whole set.