I thought half the neighborhood was burning down their houses as a result of faulty wiring and dead Christmas trees. It turns out the fire department was going around handing out candy. The truck went up and down all the streets in the neighborhood. It was drizzling, so Geeky boy didn’t feel like going out, but we snapped a few photos. You can’t see the elf on the front or Santa, another elf and a clown (I guess they ran out of elf outfits) on the other side of the truck. Pretty fun.
This women blogging thing has gotten under my skin. I don’t know why. It’s come up before and didn’t bug me so much then. There’s this assumption out there that in order for women to become “good” at blogging, they must be serious. They must stick to politics or some other topic that isn’t personal. Personal bad; impersonal good. Apparently, we’ve stepped back to the 60s and we need Gloria Steinem again. At one point in my blog, I said something about considering the personal to be political and that I would try to find the political in the personal stories I tell.
I don’t think I can do that with every single post I’ve made, but I can with many. If I wanted, I could turn the posts about Christmas present purchasing and receiving into something about the commercialisation of Christmas, about stores like Wal-Mart, Target, etc. exploiting their workers and the workers who manufacture the products they sell so that middle class folks like me don’t have to spend too much money. It’s an issue I care about, but it hasn’t led me to boycott Target or to even write about. Mainly because I don’t know what to do about it. I feel helpless so I just continue to shop. Maybe I should have said that instead of what I did say.
On writing Christmas cards, I could have noted that I’d fallen into a gender role where it is assumed that the female partner maintain the family’s personal relationships and generally manages all things personal having to do with the family. Really, if the work world is going to change, men are going to have to start taking on these responsibilities. They are time-consuming drudge work. But what man is going to say that they need a half day off work to write Christmas cards or go Christmas shopping. No one blinked when I said this was what I was doing on my days off. They probably would have looked at my husband like he was from outer space. The other route to go is to not place so much importance on this kind of personal work. I’ve done that before–no cards–but then I feel disconnected. What do same-sex couples do? I’ve never asked the ones I know. Perhaps there’s more equity. I’m certain there are more heterosexual couples where there’s more equity.
My story about Best Buy could be slanted as yet another sign that men think women don’t know anything about technology. It’s happened to me soooo many times. Sexism is rampant in the technology world–at least in mine. It’s part of why I enjoy working at a women’s college and teaching the students how to navigate the technology world. So they can go to Best Buy and show up some smart-ass sales clerk. Seriously. I have never seen a woman working in the technology heavy areas of Best Buy. And the students I teach are headed for computer science programs and engineering schools, so they’re going to be way beyond those Best Buy boys very soon. But somehow, the Best Buy boys still think they’re better than them. Why? Perhaps because they wear their geekiness on their sleeves. Do women? I certainly don’t–until I open my mouth.
So maybe I should include in my posts some facts and figures. Would I be more serious if I pointed out that the number of women entering computer science programs is on the decline? If I pointed out that while men are contributing a little more to household duties than they did 20 years ago that women still work more hours on domestic chores than men do? Perhaps. But isn’t it more fun to read a story, to connect that story to your own life? I think so, but I do think that there is a political underbelly to nearly every personal story out there.
What’s in the stories about students and grading (which I love reading)? What’s in the stories about departmental politics? About the struggles to write and get published? About the struggle for tenure? About dealing with school teachers who just don’t get why your child is the way he/she is? There’s a little bit of political in all of those and just because you express it as a personal story doesn’t mean it’s not political.
First, there was the Chronicle article (found via 11D) about the lack of women in academia. Then, there was the discussion about the lack of female academic bloggers on Crooked Timber. The originals of both of these are pretty tame on their surface, simply trying to analyze an observable fact. In the comments, however, is where all the action is. In those comments, people say things like women aren’t interested in politics or their politics are more related to domestic issues or they’re more interested in domestic issues. I hate it when people speak for me. So I’m not going to speak for other women, just for me, but maybe my specific example will give some of those “women are only interested in . . .” commenters some information.
First, my blog contains a variety of topics, from the mundane to the esoteric. If I had to blog about politics all the time, I’d be bored. That does not mean I’m not interested in politics. It means I’m interested in a lot of different things including politics. My blogroll is reflective of those interests. Of the 71 links I have on my blogroll, 41 are women bloggers, mostly academics, 22 are men, 4 are unknown and 4 are group blogs. I have blogs that are more personal in nature, some related to my work, some political, and some parenting blogs. I have a gender gap the other way. Where these people get the idea that there are fewer women bloggers, I don’t know. Near as I can tell, there aren’t any definitive numbers on this yet. Perhaps when I teach my blog class, this is something we will try to quantify.
Now the politics. Nearly everyone in the Crooked Timber post assumed that women were most interested in the work/family divide issue. I admit that this is often a big issue for me as it’s the most immediate. The fact that I live in a society that values work over mothering, that values production over service, that creates a culture where men don’t feel compelled to contribute to domestic life, that does absolutely nothing to reward women who stay at home, and that does very little to help women balance work and family life directly affects how I live on a day-to-day basis. When I think about why it is that I’m cooking and grocery shopping and doing the laundry, there certainly are personal and relationship-related reasons that the burden falls to me, but there are also cultural reasons. For example, if Mr. Geeky doesn’t spend a little extra time on that article while I’m working on dinner, he might not have a job in a couple of years. That is an attitude and work habit he has that has been cultivated by the environment he finds himself in. He once said to me that his male colleagues who have stay-at-home wives seem to be so much more productive that he is. He followed that up quickly by letting me know he did not want me to quit my job so that he could be more productive. It just seemed an unfair balance to him, that the system he found himself in was basically built upon the notion that someone was at home dealing with the mundane details of life, upon female oppression perhaps.
So while the work/family issue might be the most pressing because it affects me every day, I’m interested in many, many other political issues: abortion, civil rights/liberties, copyright, the war in Iraq, Social Security. I may not blog about those as much because they are further removed from my daily life (although I have a Social Security post in my head right now).
On the women in academics issue, I think it is an issue no matter what the commenters on the Chronicle article say. When I was getting my degree, I read Women of Academe which was an interesting but scary read. Plus there was plenty of anecdotal evidence suggesting that women had a difficult time in academe. When I started looking for an academic position at either a community college or in a non-tenure-track position, I realized very quickly that the work load would be too much for me (4 classes of 20-25 students each). I would likely be working a minimum of 60 hours a week. With my husband already in a tenure-track position and with two children, that just wasn’t going to work for me. Maybe someone else can juggle all of that, but I knew I couldn’t. And that’s just the practical side of things. In certain fields, there are all kinds of subtle ways women are kept at bay, often beginning in undergrad. Although most of the women academic bloggers I read do not post much about the gender issues in their fields, there is the occasional post–about male academics sleeping with female students–that suggest that there are issues related to gender that continue.
I noted in counting up my blog links that all the blogs related to my work are by men. I have a link to my professional blog, but that’s the only one I know of that’s by a woman. I haven’t run into them very often. I’m happy to be corrected on that point. It’s interesting to me that here we are in 2004, almost 2005, and we still have problems dealing with gender in many realms of our lives. And it seems the current administration is taking a few strides backwards in this regard, so I expect it to be an issue for years to come. I don’t plan on being complacent.
So I’m on my own this weekend without Mr. Geeky or Geeky Girl, but Geeky boy will be here. Mr. Geeky and Geeky Girl are headed to Virginia to hang out with some friends of ours–actually my ex-boyfriend from high school, his wife and their kids. Geeky Boy and I are feeling a little under the weather and, quite frankly, a little anti-social. This shing-dig is an outdoor party and neither of us felt up to standing out in the freezing cold (there is a bonfire, but still). I just get this way sometimes. I want to be alone. I’ve had a lot of holiday parties this week, the most recent being the college-wide party last night. I can’t take much more socializing. I want to hang out and watch bad tv. I finished Christmas shopping. I just have a few more cards to send and then I’m completely done.
I also have no car this weekend, but luckily, we live a block and a half away from the main town center. Food, drink, and supplies are just a brisk walk away. I have some reading to do and perhaps some writing. And I really want to tidy up my desk. So it’s going to relaxing, finally, with no work until Jan 3.
I’m number 6 in a google search for “geeky.”
Because I’m a technologist and all-around geek, I spend a fair amount of time in computer/technology stores. Usually, I have done my research; I know exactly what I want down to the last bit. Despite this, because I’m a girl, I often am treated as if I know nothing. And sometimes I don’t, but I know a lot about technology and can usually make pretty good decisions. On this particular trip to buy a digital camera for Mr. Geeky for Christmas, I hadn’t researched my options because I decided to do this at the last minute. I have a digital camera, a decent one in fact, but Mr. Geeky is always borrowing it and it’s only a 2 megapixel one, so I thought it would be nice to upgrade. I knew I wanted at least a 4 megapixel camera, preferably with compact flash memory (since that’s what our old camera uses), and I knew my price limit. Armed with at least those qualifications, I wandered around the display, looked at the specs and the prices and made a choice. I decided to go with a Canon A85, mainly because it was the cheapest 4 megapixel camera they had without looking like it was going to fall apart. I trust Canon to make a halfway decent camera.
So I’m waiting for the worker dude to get the camera out from the locked cabinet. He’s in the middle of a spiel to a middle-aged man buying his first digital camera. He’s explaining all about how you need more megapixels and the rechargable cameras are better. He does say that he likes the Canon cameras the best. When he stops, I ask for my camera and the middle-aged man asks me why I chose that camera. Well, I didn’t really have a good reason. I mean, “it was the cheapest” was my main reason. So I explained that I wanted 4 megapixels and that I was happy with my old camera and just wanted a bit of an upgrade and I threw in something about zooming.
So worker dude says, well, yeah, but this uses AA batteries that wear out and cost a fortune. Well I happen to know that I’ve only changed the batteries in my camera about twice a year. I use the regular duracell batteries that cost about 5 bucks a pack. Well worker dude says I should use lithium batteries, blah, blah, blah. The middle-aged guy asks how long before the batteries run out. Worker dude says about 12 hours. You can see middle-aged man thinking, I never use my camera for 12 hours straight. This guy is full of shit. Then I say, don’t the batteries in the rechargeable cameras die eventually too and then you have to buy a new camera or pay a buttload for those fancy batteries. He says, yeah, but not for two years. I say, well, I’ve had my current camera for five years. Middle-aged guy is doing the math and it’s working in my favor. So the worker dude finally gets my camera out and starts walking me over to the cashier. Middle-aged guy thanks worker dude, but especially thanks me. Ha!
On the way to the cashier, worker dude asks me if I need memory. I say no, I’ve got a 64 mb and a 32 mb card at home. What about a card reader? No, I’ve got one that reads 7 different kinds of cards. How about batteries? Nope, got those too. Dude, give it up. I’m better than you.
I find out at the cash register that not only is the base price good–and the cashier is waaaay nicer than worker dude, complimenting me on my choice–but I get a $25 gift certificate and a $50 rebate. Very cool.
Later, I’m relating this story to a friend and she says, yeah, I did all this research and decided that the Canon A85 was the best bang for the buck. Ha! I’m good even without my research.
A la Dr. B, here’s a list (keep in mind, I was *not* working). A more interesting post will come later.
1. Old navy–new coat and hat for geeky girl who’s going to an outdoor party this weekend.
2. Kohl’s–mittens for Geeky Girl, pjs and bathrobes for both kids (xmas eve present)
3. Borders–books and calendars for both kids
4. Home for lunch and wrapping the above
5. Jiffy Lube for the works (about an hour here)
6. Best buy for Mr. Geeky (will post details about this later)
7. Target for some random forgotten stuff.
8. Home to wrap. 20 minutes later, had to pick up kids and Mr. Geeky.
For someone who was avoiding consumerism, I’m sure consuming a lot. Shew!
I was catching up on my blog reading and I ran into this post at Ravings of a Corporate Mommy about missing her best friend and her support, missing the flirting, the wild abandon of youth. In very recent years, I have been nostalgic for the person I was in college and just beyond, when men regularly bought me drinks and I felt like I turned heads (at least a few) when I walked in a room. There were few consequences for staying out late and getting drunk. No kids to wake up with. As I’ve aged, I have turned fewer and fewer heads. People don’t flirt with me, partly because I never initiate anything and I used too–a lot. And I don’t get drunk every weekend, maybe just once a month. 
I kind of got over this nostalgia on a recent trip to Key West with my sister-in-law. We’ve been twice together now. We have rules about this trip. No elaborate planning, no fancy clothes, no makeup. We stay out late and sleep late. We drink a lot. In a way, we get to be those youthful people again. My sister-in-law is single so she picks up guys sometimes. On this last trip, I realized for the first time that I was no longer attracted to men under 30. They all looked the same to me somehow, sort of like paperboard cutouts. Now I don’t look too bad for my age. I’m still wearing the same size I wore in college, but I’m not in shape and of course, I have the requisite smile lines and gray hairs (which I cover, btw). But still, not bad. But the twenty-something guys I used to be attracted to are not looking at me anymore–at least not that I’ve noticed.
For the last night of these trips, I make a bet with my sil to see if I can pick up a man. The deal is sealed if I can get a guy to dance with me or buy me a drink. If I can do both, woo hoo. (I realize the anti-feminism of this whole thing, but stay with me for a moment).
On the first trip, I failed miserably. The best I could do was a fat park ranger in flip flops. We danced. While we were dancing, I glanced over at my sil who’s with another guy. We I turned back, my guy was gone . . . because he had fallen down like a weeble. Back up he popped and we finished our dance. We left expeditiously.
This time around was different. We went to a better bar–more locals, less park rangers. This time I was picked up by a man in his 50s at least, possibly 60. We danced and boy, could this man dance. I was twirled and dipped and two-stepped all over the floor. Afterwards he bought me a drink. He wanted to take me out on his boat and show me the sunrise. He told me I was amazing. I managed to semi-politely work my out of the situation without revealing my married status. But it was nice to garner that kind of attention. And it was the first time I thought about men much older than me and thought of them as attractive. It was an odd shift for me, from thinking of myself as a twenty-something who considers twenty-somethings, maybe thirty-somethings to thinking of myself as pushing forty and realizing that sixty is not that old. And you know what, I liked it. It was good not trying to be twenty-something again.
So I finished up my shopping at Greatergood.com. Really a worthwhile experience and if you feel a little down about Christmas, this will make you feel better. Really. They have really neat stuff, a lot of it fair trade and handmade. You can also simply donate to one cause or another. I purchased things for my father and stepmom through the breast cancer site. My purchase contribute 5% to a mammogram and a certain percentage also went to breast cancer research. For my mom, I shopped at The Hunger Site and at the Animal Rescue Site where my purchase contributed a fair amount of food for both humans and animals. Also, a percentage went to The Nature Conservancy. I came really close to buying 25 trees in my mom’s name to help preserve the monarch butterfly’s habitat. I’m definitely doing this again–for birthdays and other occasions too. The big downside is that there’s no gift wrapping and I didn’t order in time to have the stuff sent to me for wrapping. It took me so long just to decide what I was going to do. Next year, I’ll be better prepared. Oh, and the shipping was only 2.95.
I don’t really blog much about my kids, mainly because I don’t define myself by them. It’s actually odd that I have “mom” in my blog title because I usually don’t define myself that way. When people find out I have kids, they are sometimes surprised. Apparently, I don’t look very mom-like. I think I do, but I’m not good at being objective about my looks. I blog about parenting as a rather abstract concept when it’s a very tangible and real part of my life, but I’m interested in parenting as a social construct more so than my own methods of parenting.
But my kids do amazing things and say amazing things and I’m often quite proud of them.
Geeky Boy has a blog. I’m a bit concerned about this since he’s only 9 and I worry about weirdos on the internet. It’s a slim possibility I know, but still. Anyway, for now, I have the username and password and his blog isn’t listed anywhere. I was reading it tonight. There are only four posts, but it’s amazing how he’s picked up the genre. He has clever titles, my favorite being “the day after yesterday = today was the busiest day of my life”. He has a sense of audience, like someone might actually read his blog. He must have been in a writing mood today because he also created a newspaper for his class which was also really cute.
Geeky Girl, on the other hand, threw up on the bus today and I had to retrieve her from the nurse’s office. There she was, happy as a clam, with a large blue bowl in her lap (just in case). She came home and sat on the couch, watched “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” for the millionth time and ate voraciously. I write the whole thing off to motion sickness. This is the second time she’s thrown up on the bus and she used to throw up in the car on the way to preschool occasionally. But Geeky Girl does cool things too, just not today.
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